Baylor Sacked by Its Own Faculty

Baylor Faculty Members Condemn SAT Retaking - In response to yesterday's post by As Good As News, Baylor's Faculty Senate passed a resolution criticizing the school's practice of paying freshmen to retake the SATs. "This practice is academically dishonest and should be discontinued", read the faculty motion.

Dr. Phillip Ballinger, Director of Admissions at the University of Washington, served on a panel studying use and misuse of the SATs for a national admissions counseling organization. Ballinger's reaction to the Baylor SAT scheme: "..people removed their brains and went to Mars."

Sounds like fighting words to As Good As News. Sensing an opportunity to turn a typically overheated academic spat into a shooting war that might become the Bunker Hill, or at least the Boston Massacre, of Texas secession, we arranged a second exclusive interview with John Barry, Baylor's Vice President of BS, who brought along Reagan Ramsower, Baylor's Dean of Dollars.

AGAN - Dr. Ramsower, you approved the plan as win-win, higher SATs for the school, more aid for the students. Why couldn't you just give out more aid - period. How does raising SAT scores for students who are already in college help the student? How does it do anything other than help Baylor game the US News rankings?

D$ - Gaming the rankings helps everyone in the Baylor community. More high school seniors apply and attend. Alumni give more. The whole campus just feels better about itself.

AGAN - OK, but won't US News and other college rankers just take steps to put Baylor back on an equal footing with other schools - for example, insist on SATs taken before high school graduation for any data used in college rankings? Isn't there some chance that somebody will get pissed and just throw Baylor out of the rankings?

VPBS - Calm down son, no one is throwin Baylor out of anything. We are followin all the rules, maybe we just got a little chalk on our cleats on this one. If the rules change, we'll go along. We can play some defense and just keep lookin for another opportunity for the Bears to push one across the goal line.

AGAN -What do you think of the resolution by Baylor's own Faculty Senate branding the SAT scheme "academically dishonest"?

D$ - We prefer "financial aid plan" to "SAT scheme". Waco is part of the USA, at least for the moment, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even those Trotskyite whiners in the Faculty Senate.

AGAN - What about Dr. Ballinger's comment, did you remove your brains and go to Mars? The fallout from the publicity on this thing has to outweigh any benefit Baylor got from sliding up a few notches in the US News rankings? And what do you mean "for the moment"?

D? - It's easy for Ballinger to talk, he works at a state school. Those guys don't understand what it takes to keep a 14,000 student university afloat without standing on the taxpayers' shoulders.

VPBS - Nothin is backfirin here. Our core constituency, thats alumni with check books, appreciate good old Baptist ingenuity when they see it. This whole thing will be forgotten by the time you post.

AGAN - And "for the moment"?

D$ - Huh?

AGAN - You said Waco was part of the USA "for the moment".

D$ - No I didn't.
VPBS - (glaring maniacally at D$) We need a little break now.

AGAN - Messrs. Barry and Ramsower never returned from the little break and we have been unable to reestablish contact. Stay tuned.

Baylor's Game Plan

Baylor Rewards Freshmen Who Retake SATs - Baylor University pays its freshmen $300 per head to retake the SATs. That's right, the same SATs they took to gain admission. John Barry, Baylor's VP of BS explained that the purpose of encouraging the already admitted students to take the SATs again was so that more would qualify for financial aid. As Good As News arranged a follow-up interview with Mr. Barry:

AGAN - Mr. Barry, couldn't you just give out more financial aid by lowering the qualifying scores without paying freshmen to retake the SATs?

VPBS - No Comment.

AGAN - Is there any real reason for Baylor to do this - other than gaming the ranking system at US News & World Report by reporting scores from SATs taken by Baylor freshmen (who test in a relaxed atmosphere knowing they are already admitted), when other colleges are ranked based on scores from SATs taken by high school juniors and seniors competing under tremendous pressure?

VPBS - Well as I said, everybody at Baylor is very pleased with the higher scores.

AGAN - Why not have your grad students retake SATs and report them to US News, wouldn't they score higher than the freshmen?

VPBS - Thank you, we'll look into that.

AGAN - Baylor has over 3,000 freshmen but only 861 retook the SATs, despite the $300 reward. Does this mean A) the average Baylor student is wealthy, B) the average Baylor freshman paid someone to take their SATs for them in high school and can't risk exposure now or C) all of the above?

VPBS - Can I go to the bathroom now?

AGAN - Is Baylor still affiliated with the Baptist Church?

VPBS - Very much so, and Baptists all over the country are very pleased with the higher scores.

AGAN - Where does Baylor stand on Texas secession?

VPBS - The University hasn't taken any official position, but unofficially the administration is solidly pro Lone Star Republic. For us, it would be the good old days, we were chartered by the Republic of Texas and we'd love to go back. The way we see it, life would be a lot easier if we were just competing with Aggies, Horn Frogs and Mustangs. OK, let's face it. Off the record, (spoiler alert - do not read on if you feel constrained by any journalistic scruples - obviously not an issue for As Good As News, we report, you decide) the SAT thing is a gimmick to make us look better. But we are desperate. Have you ever seen Baylor, ever been to Waco? Pretty bleak, right? A lot of people around here think those Branch Davidians weren't so much crazy as just really desperate to leave. The closest thing we've got to excitement is W's ranch, and that was down to four visitors last year. Now add in the tiny little problem that Baylor is dry. That's right. We're trying to recruit students to attend a school in Waco, a school in Waco that bans alcohol. A school with a football team that went 0-8 in conference last year. Now if you think we're cheating a little in the US News rankings, well that's like saying a blind man is cheating when he uses a cane. So write your snotty little blog, we're stickin with our game plan, and if US News doesn't like it they can change the rules.