Letterman Strikes Back

The writer's strike is upon us. Dave, yes, you! David Letterman. This is your opportunity to recapture, finally, those fickle, gossip hungry voyeurs who fled to the Tonight show to watch Hugh Grant apologize for hiring a hooker and never came back. Don't run a rerun tomorrow, surprise that humorless gasbag Jay Leno with an attack while he has no writers to defend him. You don't need to write anything, just type “Leno Sucks” into Google and you'll have ten shows worth of material before you know it. With any kind of effort on your part Jay shoud be running for cover well before 2009. Conan's been waiting long enough. For starters here is your

TOP TEN REASONS LENO MUST GO -NOW

-10- Johnny Carson can't rest until Conan is in

-9- Jay needs more time for onerous duties as President of Gray Panthers Motorcycle Gang

-8- Jay's jaw reduction surgery dangerously overdue

-7- Stuttering John running out of clueless saps to interview

-6- Eubank's family reunion bars Kevin, claiming forced cackles are damaging family rep

-5- Conan is already too old to stay up until 2AM

-4- Secret to Leno ratings success revealed as hordes of aging Johnny Carson fans admit they haven't understood how to switch channels since they got cable boxes

-3- Good Times the Movie, starring JJ Walker has a writer's slot with Jay's name on it

-2- Tonight Show guests on strike because Jay hasn't listened to an answer in the last 15 years

-1- Sad when Jay confused Paul Rodriguez with George Lopez, unforgivable when he thought J Lo was Penelope Cruz----- until she turned to leave

With the Cinnamon Girl

Scouting -Yawn -Report - Posting late and bleary today as the grind of watching late night tennis is catching up with me. This would be really horrible if As Good As News was a real job. As the US Open reaches the singles semis As Good As News stands by its early predictions. Venus is still outplaying all women, but a rested Svetlana Kuznetsova will emerge from the unsung lower half of the draw to grab the title from the Henin-Williams survivor. Federer remains king, unless the succession of late, late night starts confuses him. Notice how he's starting to look grumpy in the photo from this morning's practice? Maybe he will show up for a Letterman appearance instead of the final, there is no other way this guy will lose. That's our story and we're sticking to it.

Before we move to the headlines - a first from As Good As News, a shameless plug- buy the July 2007 issue of the Comstock Review (a poetry journal) which includes work from Julie Hassett. I have been lucky enough to hear some of her poems. If you were ever married, raised a teenager, lived through the death of a loved one then you will be moved, cry, laugh out loud. $9 per copy, order from:

Peggy Sperber Flanders
Associate Managing Editor
The Comstock Review
4956 St. John Drive
Syracuse, NY 13215
http://www.comstockreview.org/

Clinton Donor Fails to Appear In Court Again - OK, Times headliners- what are your mysterious rules of capitalization. As Good As News thought the riddle was solved. Capitalize the initial letter of the first word in every headline and the initial letter of every other word except for articles, prepositions and conjunctions. This approach explained every headline I noticed for a few weeks, but the pesky "I" in "In" is now driving me nuts. What possible rule, consistently applied, would capitalize "In" but not "to" in the Clinton Donor headline?

By the way, where are Hsu, Norman? The Chinese garment industry multi-millionaire, peerless Democratic fund raiser, FOB and FOHillary too, and trustee of the New School is on the lam again. Why did he come back to the US from the safety of China after skipping out on his initial conviction? How did he remain unnoticed through years of fame following his return? Why didn't someone put cuffs on him once they realized his identity a few weeks ago? This guy's story is more confusing than the capitalization in his headline.

What Do Young Jobseekers Want (Something Other Than the Job) - For over 65% of young job seekers it's more important to be in the right location than the best possible job. The right location is safe, clean and green - and conducive to a lifestyle the respondent considers desirable. A couple of the top ten cities are places As Good As News would visit only on business, and since we are retired that will not be happening soon, but in general we get the idea. Based on informal observation of my immediate family at least 50% of college students seem to be emphasizing location over job description at this time. The story is oblivious to a critical concern - the Neil Young factor. Especially for grad students and post collegiate workers, taking a job based on the location of your significant other has to be the number one priority for many job seekers. As Good As News is coming to you from the NY area because, today and thirty years ago, I want to live with the cinnamon girl, so I can be happy for the rest of my life.

Department of Just Right - The NY Times story is a rave review of the A.P.C. clothing line with store in SoHo. Post here is about the story title. As Good As News loves the Department of Just Right, sounds like it should be a hip boutique for witches and warlocks in Diagon Alley or maybe the cabinet ministry in charge of law enforecement in Monaco .