Just Resting My Eyes

A Look At Who Naps - Astonishingly, it turns out that 100% of C-Span viewers take naps.

The linked story on the results of a recent nap survey includes the mandatory paen to the power of the nap, and another line dear to my family's heart:

"Some people claim they are just resting their eyes when they are really snoozing."

If you need a little excitement to wake up, just head for Saratoga Springs.

2 Entries at Saratoga's Opener: Hope and Gloom - Gloom? The Spa has the horses, a neuro-science PhD turned trainer (Michelle Nihei, pictured) and a realistic chance that the winners of this years Derby, Preakness and Belmont will meet in the Travers in late August, a showdown of champions. Hmm, neuroscience - undetectable performance enhancing drugs - inside dope for the horseplayers who read the NY Times - who knows. The excitement just keeps building. What more could we ask? Well, suppose we dropped the Preakness and we were heading into Saturday's Jim Dandy as the third race of the triple crown, with all the top three year olds rested, healthy and full grown.

Headline Crawl 6

Homeless Families Could Face Eviction Over Rules - If this is not self-explanatory you should be reading another blog.

City Aids Homeless With One Way Ticket Home - Enough already. Indignant letter including choice excerpts from definition of "homeless" already en route to NY Times.


Iraq Force Soon To Be Coalition of One - Now that Mongolia is out of the picture, the coalition of the willing is, well, just US.


Plantations of Cacao Stir Bitterness - Yes that very dark chocolate can be a little strong, try mixing in a pinch of sugar.


China Pledges to Reduce Death Sentences - And the way to reduce a death sentence is....only kill the prisoner once?


Ireland To Accept Two Guantanomo Detainees - The decision followed extensive persuasion by Ambassador Dan Rooney, who says there is no truth to the rumor that the Irish concession followed a threat to arrange an Aras an Uachtarain visit for James Harrison. Rooney did grudgingly admit that both detainess weighed 280 pounds, ran a 4.4 forty and might be free within a year.

N.J. Man Facing Bribe Charges is Found Dead - Please NY Times headline gang, squeeze a name into these headlines. The families of half the politicians and lobbyists in the state read this thing and race to the phone in fear.

Sztuckzi - Tricks are not just for Kids

In Stuckzi ("tricks" in Polish), young Stefek (Damian Ul) dreams of reconnecting with his absentee father. His cute older sister Elka (Ewelina Walendziak) misses Dad too, but she's mad enough and proud enough to steer clear of him until he makes the first move. Elka wants to quit mopping floors and land an administrative job with the big Italian company that has an office in her small Polish town.

Stefek thinks he can trick fate into changing his destiny, and maybe he can, although his magical efforts keep him perilously close to the railroad tracks and the trains that speed ominously down them. Elka plans to help herself, learning Italian, even letting her ambition get ahead of her loyalty to Stefek for one sorry moment.

Stuckzi follows the fate of Stefek and Elka, telling the story so visually that the subtitles are almost unnecessary. As Good As News enjoyed the movie, the characters, the pacing and the small Polish town setting. There is humor aplenty, especially in the eddies of life that swirl around Violka (Joanna Liszowska), the neighborhood slut, Elka's loyal boyfriend, the car-obsessed Jerzy (Rafal Guzniczak) and Jerzy's life coach Turek (Grzegorz Stelmaszewski), who expounds at length on a uniquely automotive theory of romance. Based on the quality of the humor that does come through, As Good As News suspects there was even more here for those who understand Polish, dulled in the lost timing and lost subtleties of the subtitles.

Subtitles or no, Tricks is worth renting. See it in the theater if you can go with a Polish speaking friend.

See THE ANSWER MAN? Yes!

Now when I talked to God, I knew He'd understand.
He said, "Stick by me and I'll be your guiding hand,
but don't ask me what I think of you,
I might not give the answer that you want me to."
Oh Well.

In The Answer Man, Arlen Faber (Jeff Daniels) talked to God, wrote up his notes, produced a book that captured "10% of the God market" then retreated into curmudgeonly hibernation for twenty years. Faber's awakening finally comes in two mysterious ways. A bad back leads Faber to a comely chiropractor (Lauren Graham). Romance ensues. Faber's desperation to rid himself of a collection of worthless self-help books leaves him indebted to Kris Lucas (Lou Taylor Pucci), an alcoholic book merchant who is equally desperate for wisdom. A bargain is struck. Faber coldly dispenses his godlike advice in response to Lucas's questions, on condition that Lucas must remove five books per question answered. Both plot lines march forward somewhat predictably to a hopeful, but not Hollywood sappy happy, ending. While the story is more than acceptable, it's only the beginning of the goodies in this film, a first for writer/director John Hindman.

First, let's talk about humor. Slapstick, sarcasm and sometimes scintillating dialog are scattered throughout to very good effect. Nothing says funny like a herniated disk and Jeff Daniels knows just what to do with one: listen to the same record over and over because he can't move to the turntable; get stranded by his agent because, well because he's been an asshole for twenty years; now listen to one single line of that same record over and over because a scratch develops; lastly, crawl slowly and painfully through traffic down a busy city street to the chiropractor and ask if you can go to the head of the non-existent line when you finally arrive. Well maybe one other thing does say funny like a herniated disk -a chiropractor's assistant, trying to drum up business by passing out leaflets while dressed in a foam rubber spine suit. Daniels and Pucci both play nasty enough to drop a snide bomb or two, but they keep it in check and neither becomes an object of hatred. While The Answer Man is not Juno (or The Gilmore Girls) there is witty dialog aplenty - the lines generate some big laughs, but not at the expense of believable characters.

Next, consider the characters. Faber wrote his book to deal with his father's struggle with Alzheimer's, but he couldn't cope with the book's success and his doubts about his own inspiration. Daniels captures both the harshness of Faber's stifled emotions and the humanity, the need and the hurt, they conceal in a performance made even more impressive because it's coming from a grumpy clown. Many will, aptly, compare this role to Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets, but Daniels's style puts As Good As News in mind of Walter Matthau in The Odd Couple. Interestingly, Mr. Pucci says he studied Jack Lemon to prepare for the role of Kris. The homework paid off, as Pucci is funny, desperate, proud, weak and sometimes strong in a demanding role that makes the movie more than just a Daniels tour de force. Despite her Gilmore Girls resume, Lauren Graham doesn't get to carry much of the humor load, in a role that is not written with the same depth as the male leads. The rest of the cast is very strong, with too many fine performances to single them out.

As Good As News recommends The Answer Man for viewing in the theater (where the audience laughter will add to the experience) or at home - and we are not just saying this because the director is a stand-up comic.

Final Chapters, New Themes

Fuji (Alberto Fujimori) is in jail for 31 years after a multi-year, twelve post campaign here at As Good As News. He's probably in jail for the wrong crimes, but that is the Peruvian way. We are not prepared to spring him just to demand that he be tried as a kleptocrat. What more can As Good As News really do?

The Texas succession movement is firmly and successfully launched, thanks to innumerable posts here and the timely intervention of Texas Governor Perry. The vision of a republic where public school classes in creationism are taught by evangelist ministers packing concealed six guns is so irresistable that Texas independence is now only a matter of time. As Good As News's work here is done, although we may be unable to resist an occasional progress report.

Norm never really caught the blogging public's eye, while Andy got more attention than he wanted. Both are quiet now, although the Norm & Andy series still garners an occasional comment from an Andy ex.

Doc Gurby's banking system escaped the financial crisis unscathed, in fact the financial crisis provides Turkmenistan with the opportunity to create a banking system. As Good As News will proudly remain the official blog of Turkmenistan, but don't expect much until the campaign for election to gengesh heats up this Summer.

What does it all mean? Time to create some new recurring themes. Watch for future posts on news developments in these areas:

1. Dump the Preakness. It's too close to the Kentucky Derby. A three year old needs more rest between starts. It's too short. If the best horse is boxed in, a mile and 3/16 doesn't offer enough time to escape. It's in financial trouble. Most importantly, no one really likes " Maryland My Maryland".

How can you replace a tradition like the Preakness? Move this triple crown classic to a track that's even older - Saratoga Springs. Adjust the racing season and race schedule slightly so the Jim Dandy becomes a triple crown event, run at a mile and 7/16 on the last Saturday of July. Pimlico has had a great run, but one visit to Saratoga Springs will convince doubters that the Baltimore track will make a nice shopping mall.

2. Let's Get Serious About Restructuring Mortgage Loans - Toxic securities comprised of bundled mortgage loans are toxic because of uncertainty. How many of the underlying mortgage loans will go into default, will we be able to cost effectively foreclose on the mortgages and sell the properties for anything resembling a reasonable price? If the owner of the toxic security can keep a high percentage of those mortgage loans performing by dropping payments to a level the borrower can afford, then you can value the suddenly not so toxic assets without even trying to guess at the cost of foreclosures, carrying costs and fire sale prices in a disastrous market, not to mention the benefits to the homeowner/borrowers, who will have a roof over their heads.

Why is the banking industry fighting to the death on a bankruptcy law amendment that would allow bankruptcy judges to adjust the terms of mortgage loans (as they now do with other loans)? There are valid concerns, but so far the banking industry, which certainly understands the benefits of a performing loan, doesn't seem to be mobilizing a successful mortgage loan renegotiation campaign on its own. Maybe the bankers should stop fighting and let the bankruptcy courts help them out.

Here's one approach that would help in a bankruptcy plan or a private renegotiation of a mortgage loan. If the borrower can't handle the payments without a principal reduction, then give him a principal reduction - at a price. The borrower must commit to pay a kicker, an agreed portion of the sale proceeds, to the bank if and when the house is sold.

For example, Borrower A bought his home for $200,000 in 2007 with a $170,000 loan from Bank. Now A is working only part time and the home is worth $130,000. Borrower can refinance at a lower interest rate, but he still can't afford the payments and he is ready to walk away (or stop paying and hang out for free for many many months until the sheriff shows up following foreclosure). Bank agrees to reduce the principal amount of the loan to $120,000 but only if Borrower agrees that when he sells the home he will pay-off the (reduced) mortgage loan and pay the Bank a kicker equal to 50% of any sales proceeds over $120,000. The kicker can be capped at $50,000 (the amount of the mortgage reduction) plus interest. Borrower stays in the home, Bank has a loan that is worth less, but it's a performing loan that it can value for financial reporting purposes, not a toxic unknown. Bank and Borrower will both benefit if the real estate market recovers, and even the value of the kicker (which would be very small initially) would show up on the Bank's books.

Tortured

As Good As News has run too many posts to count on torture - just search this blog for "torture" - dozens of posts will appear and most of them, well at least 10%, are serious. Generally we are against torture and particularly upset with Dr. Yes and the other lawyers who strained to opine that interrogation techniques which, historically, had been prosecuted as war crimes are now OK.

Today, stirred by the overkill of coverage on the torture memos release (what's so new here MSM and where have you been for the last five years), for one day only, we will look for another side to the torture issue.

At least one form of torture, though cruel and fiendish beyond comprehension, will not violate the Geneva Convention, or any US law or treaty. The morality of this technique - well, we leave that to the judgment of our readers.

The prisoner is informed, truthfully, that if he can break par on a serious golf course he will be released, no strings attached. The prisoner is provided with equipment, lessons, unlimited practice time - in other words, a fighting chance to break par. The prisoner is then required to play 183 rounds in one month at Augusta National. No prisoner has won freedom. In fact, no prisoner has survived more than 17 rounds without breaking. By breaking we mean weeping like a baby, begging to return to Gitmo, offering the footnotes to Al Qaeda's long-term strategic plan. With waterboarding, you pretty much know it's going to be bad when they cover your face and you hear the water sloshing in the background. Only golf offers the tantalizing promise of the great shot, followed inevitably by the shank, snap hook, missed two foot putt, etc. Somehow the pain of the bad shot is always a surprise, even when it has happened a thousand times before. The more athletic prisoners get the worst of the golf torture, as the dream of freedom seems almost real on a hot streak, only to disappear, like an approach shot that lands a little hard on the wrong side of the green and slides gently into the adjacent bunker.

A second thought is stirred by Peggy Noonan's "sometimes it's better to just keep on walking" response to Obama's release of the torture memos. Didn't Goring say that at Nuremberg? When Jack Bauer saves Los Angeles by extracting the location of a dirty nuclear bomb from a recalcitrant terrorist in the heat of the moment, As Good As News will say "just keep on walking". When military and CIA interrogators seek legal opinions and cabinet level clearances for the use of torture as a regular interrogation technique- and get them - it's time for Nancy Sinatra, not Peggy Noonan. Dr. Yes, one of these days those boots are gonna walk all over you.

Song Sung Blue

Greg Kohs delivers his first film, a documentary that follows the lives of Mike Sardina, a very good Neil Diamond tribute act, performing as Lightning, who falls for Claire , a big blond with a big voice and a Patsy Cline repertoire. Together they are Lightning and Thunder, as they become Milwaukee celebrities in a career that hits its highpoint in an appearance before 30,000 fans at Summerfest, with Eddie Vedder singing along.

Offstage they sometimes seem like two goofballs. They don't have much time for their kids from prior marriages (two of whom live with them.) They live in a small house, made even smaller by clutter. They eat a balanced diet of Cheetos and cola and have a detailed career plan - make it big enough to move to Vegas. When middle age spread hits they address the problem...by chain smoking.

When Thunder is struck by a car while gardening in her own front yard, she loses part of her leg. This is the real beginning of Song Sung Blue, but Director Greg Kohs successfully incorporates so much material from performance tapes and the Sardina's older home footage that it seems like the beginning of the second act. The accident produces some instant publicity, but it ends up costing them gigs as pain, medication and money problems strain their marriage. Just as they seem to be rebooting for a life where they can survive by performing in small venues, Lightning's heart begins to give out. Even a quintuple by-pass can't keep him off the stage for long, but, it's only a temporary reprieve. Lightning's death, and a very touching gift from Eddie Vedder, give the film an emotional climax and an ending.

Through it all, Lightning and Thunder have a certain appeal. Sometimes it's the fascination of watching a train bear down on a school bus stuck at a rail crossing, but the film is not a freak show. Their love of performing and their love for each other is indefatigable and sometimes winning. Mike's illness also provokes Kohs into finally revealing Mike's history as a Viet Nam veteran and recovering addict, a man who went 30 years without touching heroin or alcohol despite a life spent in bars and clubs. Mike's inner strength isn't the only surprise. Step-daughter Rachel, who is consistently portrayed as a whining, ungrateful dope, writes and delivers a shockingly articulate eulogy at Mike's funeral.

Song Sung Blue has its moments. Mike's Neil Diamond covers are fun and very well-done. The arrival of Eddie Vedder's gift is a moment so exceptionally apt it's hard to believe it's in a documentry. However, As Good As News does not recommend the film for most audiences. Song Sung Blue spends the first 75 of its 85 minutes focused on the most cinematic foibles of the Sardina clan. Their love of each other and drive to perform makes them somewhat interesting, but doesn't generate as much empathy as it could. Mike's grit and Rachel's smarts didn't happen overnight in real life. The deeper character revelation packed into the last few minutes should have begun earlier in the film, the whole family would have been more believable, more like us, if we had seen some of those extra dimensions from the start.