Dear Barack - How to handle a crisis, your pal W

President Bush has almost become a sympathetic character as he prepares to leave office with "favorable" ratings near historic lows. Almost.

Bush Prepares Crisis Briefings to Aid Obama -

Dear Barack:

Enclosed are some scenarios my team put together for you just in case you get bombed, or computer wormed or sarin gassed on your first day. I sincerely hope you never have to use any of this stuff. Anyway, now that you are about to be the decider, I wanted to go beyond the details and pass along the general principles that helped me handle crises like 9/11, Katrina and the recent shoe attack in Iraq.

1. There's always time for vacation;
2. Your public speaking really needs work. Too egghead, way egghead. Fumble around, butcher a few pronunciations - quit showing off, it's all about what America needs. In a crisis, nothing says macho like an incomplete sentence;
3. When making appointments, loyalty is all, competence nothing. The government that governs least governs best and nothing governs least like a bunch of twenty somethings from bible college;
4. When in doubt, pray. If still in doubt, leave it to a higher authority - the Vice President;
5. Always go with your gut (and make sure your entire team knows you've already made an unofficial snap decision - you don't want them bothering you with any inconvenient facts);
6. Don't worry about international law, anything America does is the right thing and the rest of the world will eventually see the truth (although I never thought it would take so long);
7. Never tell the media anything, that's what national security is really all about;
8. Congress Schmongress, keep those squabbling pissants you call a party in line and you'll never even have to take a phone call from a Republican - bipartisan is just another word for loser;
9. Talk a lot about fiscal responsibility but never forget - the budget deficit is really the next guy's problem -oops, sorry, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that one.

Good luck. Call my secretary if you need anything. By the way, sorry I had Blair house booked for my nephew's third cousin, but there's a really terrific Day's Inn not far from DuPont Circle.

Very truly yours,
George W. Bush

The "Disrespectful" Trilogy

A Sharp Attack on Obama - The NY Times harshly criticizes the McCain campaign ad Disrespectful- The phrase "pack of racially charged lies" comes to mind in the effort by As Good As News to summarizes the Time's view. Other print and broadcast outlets have taken a similar position. An official from Foxhole Productions, producer of Disrespectful, spoke on condition that his identity be withheld:

"Not accurate, not fair, barely coded racism - blah, blah, blah - read some of the ads from the Adams v. Jefferson campaign if you want to see what American politics is all about. The more the media whines the more they run our ad, for free. If they keep squawking maybe we can pick up another five points in the polls. If you think Disrespectful is a hot issue, wait until you see our two follow-up spots.

Audacious is already in the can. It's a hard look at Obama's secret past as youthful Muslim terror gang member, high school drug addict and Black Panther sympathizer. Don't you just love the way we co opted the title from his own bio?

The third spot is a lulu. Three days before the election, when Obama has no time to respond effectively, we come out with the clincher. We're still shooting, but the story line is set. We trace Obama's long history of affairs with white women, from junior high right up to today. We already have three hotties on tape claiming Obama fathered their children. You should see these babes, the ad will go viral faster than Obama Girl even without any media help. One of them was a little confused, seemed to think Obama looked exactly like Jesse Jackson, but hey, that's why they invented editing. I'm getting a little flack from the campaign staff, but I think we'll be using my working title when we go public with the spot in November, watch for Uppity."

Clinton electability cover - elitism or racism

For Democrats, Questions Over Race and Electability - Kudos, Times. You finally noticed, with some prompting from As Good As News and the Obama campaign, that winning Democratic primaries in key states has nothing to do with winning the general election in key states. In fact Obama polls better against McCain than Clinton does in some of the very swing states that Clinton is using to bolster her electability argument. You finally noticed that the real electability argument is about race - if Obama can't win in November its because the White, blue -collar vote that turns out for Hillary in the primaries will vote for McCain or stay home in November, rather than vote for a Black candidate with the same Senate voting record and views as Hillary.

What happens if Hillary wins big in Indiana and breaks even in North Carolina? Will the super delegates begin to migrate to Hillary, even though she would still be behind in elected delegates and vote totals, because they buy into the argument that America won't vote for a Black President?

Obama's remarks about bitter people clinging to guns and religion may end up hurting him badly. It's not that these remarks say anything critical about his capability as President. The problem for Obama is that the remarks give Clinton cover to argue that Obama can't get blue-collar Whites to the polls in November because he's an elitist snob, without having to openly argue that he's not electable because of his race.

Garbage to the Rescue - Carlos Castillo paused at the window, his apartment a flaming inferno at his back, his neighbors gathered on the sidewalk three stories below. "Hold on" shouted the neighbors, as they gathered bags of garbage left at curbside awaiting pick-up. The garbage became a mound below the window, Castillo jumped - and wound up alive, though seriously hurt. As Good As News loves NY, there's always garbage when you really need it.

Mayor Lends Ear as Verdict Near in Bell Shooting -Sadly, today's on-line Times does not include the page B-6 photo of Mayor Bloomberg looking scared and desperate to escape as the Reverend Al Sharpton grabs his hand and poses on the steps of City Hall. Reverend Al has positioned himself as both the defender of the Bell family and a keeper of the peace - who can still erupt in rage tomorrow if he doesn't hear the verdict he wants. The Mayor gave Reverend Al a voice and he shrewdly used it to capture a can't lose position, regardless of the verdict. The Mayor looks like he has begun to realize this. Maybe he's thinking he should have learned something from Rudy, who would have met with Sharpton only after hell had frozen over.

Is it a left at the North Pole?

Clawing for Edge, Democrats Fight Over "Winner" - Hillary's staff argues that Barack is winning most of his votes and delegates in Southern and Western states that will surely vote Republican in the Fall, thus Hillary, with primary wins in swing states like California and Ohio, is more electable and deserves the super delegate vote. Not so fast. The premise is true, states like Mississippi and Wyoming will vote Republican in November no matter how strongly the local Democrats support Obama. The conclusion is shaky. Hillary's primary wins in states like California and Ohio show she is more popular among Democrats, but nearly all of the Democrats who are committed enough to vote in a primary will vote for the Democratic nominee in November, even if it's Barack. To assess electability, look at polls showing how well the candidates do among all registered voters when running against John McCain. Either will hold the Democratic base, which Democrat will attract independents and Republicans in the swing states?

This is not the first misstep from the Clinton campaign staff. In February a trio of senior aides embarked upon a desperate mission to lobby super delegates on their home ground, but despite spending three weeks and over $100,000, the trio failed to locate the fortress of solitude. Meanwhile, back in New York, Hillary's learning from her mistakes. She stood by Bill but it took her about fifteen minutes to erase the Spitzer endorsement from her website.