Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Big Wave Surfer Salmon

OK, they are not really salmon. They are some of the world's best surfers, as depicted in the NY Times, waiting for a monster wave in very large, roiling surf on the North Shore of Oahu. Thirty to Fifty foot waves are predicted. Now pull back from the photo and take it all in at once. These surfers really are salmon headed upstream. The dream of the perfect wave seems to rank right up there with the urge to spawn as motivation. These guys are not just paddling up some major hills, they are risking life and limb, just like those Alaskan salmon swimming up the rapids amid the hungry grizzly bears.

The Big Wave competition was cancelled on Monday due to, what else, big waves. On Tuesday Greg Long nosed out Kelly Slater to win. The second day story includes several more great shots of, you guessed it, big waves.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Headline Crawl 7

U.S. Economy Lost Only 11,000 Jobs in November - As Good As News understands why this is actually good news, but aren't there 11,000 people out there saying, "ONLY?".

Pastrami's Canadian Rival - Really? That flat, ham-like breakfast meat that the Canadians duped us into buying by calling it "bacon" is now going after the pastrami market? What will they call it this time, Canadian Corn Beef?

Killer With Low I.Q. Executed in Texas - They couldn't find anyone in Texas with a high I.Q.? Execution not as inhumane as it sounds if you compare killer's I.Q. with Texas average instead of national average.

Hugh Hurt, Jr., Engineer Who Studied Motorcycle Accidents, Dies at 81 - a man predestined to his job: figuring out who hurt junior.

CIA Authorized to Expand Use of Drones in Pakistan - The tricky part is getting one sworn in as Pakistan's President.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Peru's Biggest Losers

Peru's Fat Stealing Gang, Crime or Cover Up? A gang of thieves slaughters Peruvians in the jungle, steals their fat, stores it in empty Inca Kola bottles and sells it to Italian buyers for $60,000 a gallon? I'm voting cover up. At those prices the fat gang could get rich with voluntary live donors on one trip to the Biggest Loser set. The Peruvian National Police Chief has just fired General Felix Murga, his chief criminal investigator, who claimed to have arrested the fat gang. Apparently some Peruvian officials now believe the fat gang story is a police fabrication to cover murder squads run by - surprise - the police. Because of the great detail in the original story - Inca Kola bottles, a specific per gallon price, Mafia buyers, who doesn't love this stuff - As Good As News is going with a slightly more complex version of the cover up analysis. First, the murder squads were law enforcement personnel extorting money from cocaine growers and/or dealers who are plentiful in the Peruvian jungle. Second, that fabulous cover story about gangs of fat thieves was composed by the very imaginative former Peruvian intelligence chief (and former de facto dictator) Vladimir Montesinos, who, from his plush jail cell, continues to manage a diverse, highly profitable, public/private partnership that takes every opportunity to abuse power for a buck (or a Peruvian New Sole). Third, General Murga is a fall guy, not necessarily an innocent fall guy, for an operation that includes at least a few active, senior government officials in addition to Montesinos.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

GDL Status Report

Initial Report from the office of the provisional Secretary of Defense, Ginger Defense League:

Today's New York Time's story on the arrest of a handful of ginger baiting and beating bullies in Southern California provides a new level of visibility for the oppressed redhead - a great opportunity for fundraising and political action. It also creates great peril for the secret defense branch of the GDL. A brief update on current actions follows:

- Liason with local law enforcement in Southern California leads to arrests, excellent results achieved through secret, targeted communications with gingers holding senior LLE positions;

- Vigorous follow-up with NY Times required - See California: Boys Detained After Prank -would this be a "prank" if gays or African-Americans had been assaulted? This will require more than a letter to the editor, volunteers to assemble in alley behind shebeen 1AM tonight;

- Facebook Group "National Kick a Ginger Day, are you going to do it" finally taken down - how many Gingers had to die for this nightmare to end. Facebook executives totally unresponsive, usual "not responsible for content" bs - Ginger Bill Gates has expressed some interest in buying Facebook and dismissing current management team;

- Armament purchase negotiations are moving forward with consulting assistance from the Continuity IRA;

- In a joint initiative with the GDL Treasury, progress continues on obtaining a slice of Scottish North Sea oil revenues - Scotland's position as host to the highest per capita ginger population makes the GDL alliance a politically popular security measure in Scotland, but these funds will evaporate instantly if any hint of the GDL's undercover operations comes to light;

- Rupert Grint continues consideration of role as GDL spokesperson. Tight security for these meetings has, to date, averted all media coverage.