Friday, March 27, 2009

Ghost Twitter in the Sky

When Stars Twitter, A Ghost May Be Lurking -What is Twitter? A microblogging tool that facilitates the posting of short, mundane, diary-like entries. Posts stylistically capture the breathlessness of an extremely busy person taking taking a momentary timeout from a hectic life - "just picked up my dry cleaning, OMG why can't they ever get the starch right". Entries appear to be posted from cell phones and other mobile sources, as if the poster understands that friends, fans, etc. ( all 3 of them, generally too busy twittering themselves to actually read anything) can't wait hours for yet another self-promoting normal blog entry. In fact, surveys establish that over 70% of twitter entries are posted from easy chairs. The twitterers are indeed rushed, they need to complete the post before the commercial break ends. No one wants to miss a single second of that fabulous Gilmore Girls dialogue.

As Good As News is shocked to learn that certain celebrity twitterers (and some celebrities actually have thousands and thousands of pod people awaiting every tweet) view Twitter as just another tool to build the brand (i.e., shamelessly promote themselves by any means, fair or foul). A few celebs employ ghost twitterers - that's right, they actually hire people to write messages one sentence long (although a complete sentence is a Twitter rarity) for a medium that is designed to capture spontaneous, personal thoughts on a real time basis. OK, we already admitted As Good As News is shocked. Shocked but not outraged (blogger's are required by law to reserve outrage for AIG bonuses), because Twitter readers deserve whatever they get. The real news is that some of the ghosts are celebrities themselves. Some samples from today:

SHAQ: Why bother practicing free throws when the foul line keeps moving all the time - ghosted by Amy Winehouse;

A-ROD: I kiss myself in the mirror every morning, what's the big deal, doesn't everyone? - ghosted by Madonna;

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL - Circumcision prevents STDs - ghosted by President, International Society of Mohels;

MANHATTAN DA ROBERT MORGANTHAU - This art swindler Salander is like something out of the Producers, selling the same painting three times, the man cannot be serious - ghosted by John McEnroe;
CURT SCHILLING - Of course I should be in the Hall of Fame - ghosted by Bert Blyleven with assistance from Jack Morris and Mike Mussina;

PRO-CREATIONIST (Note from AGAN, that's a fundamentalist who opposes the teaching of evolution, not a Big Love sire of thirty children) TEXAS SCHOOL BOARD MEMBER BOB CRAIG (Larry Craig's nephew) - We're switching to small scale guerrilla war on evolution and opening up a whole new front with this Burkah requirement for the lady teachers - ghosted by Ayatollah Khamenei.

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