Headline Crawl 5

Markets Plunge / 3 Physicists Share Nobel Prize - How do we stop the Dow from plunging? The winning physicists theorized that CP violations (changes in in charge and parity leading to unexpectedly asymmetrical outcomes) would support a model of the universe in which only 3 generations of quarks exist. Got that? Well the new Large Hadron Collider will soon be testing the theory, and one of the predicted results is measurable anti-matter. And the connection to the markets? Financial analysts are optimistic that bringing the Collider on line will finally end the plunge in the Dow. If the Fed can't stop the market from crashing then the destruction of the universe in a chain reaction between matter and anti-matter should do the trick.

Nepal: Goddess is Appointed - The new Kumari is a three year old selected by a panel of judges who conducted a series of ancient ceremonies to choose the living goddess from several 2-4 year olds. Ancient Ceremonies? It would be nice to get some real reporting here - exactly what ceremonies do you use to pick a goddess? Senator McCain, why are you settling for a former Miss Wasilla, with the right ancient ceremonies you could have done so much better.

Gay Couples Rush to the Altar in California Ahead of November Vote - The rush is on, as gay couples get married now just in case California voters outlaw gay marriage by passing Proposition 8 in November. With apologies, As Good As News will take the low road (also known as Jay Leno Boulevard) - are these people nuts? If Prop 8 eliminates gay marriage, won't it knock out gay divorce? Til death do us part - and we mean it.

For Air Traffic Trainees, Games With a Serious Purpose - The FAA will need to hire and train 1700 air traffic controllers each year for the next decade, up from a few hundred a year thanks to the impending retirement of the many controllers hired following Ronald Regan's mass dismissal of strikers in the early 1980s. Video games simulating traffic control allow training for more new controllers with less supervision. The FAA is worried about finding enough hires, but this economy is about to produce several years worth of graduating seniors with few job opportunities and extensive video game experience. As Good As News thinks the problem will be too many applicants, not too few. The solution? A video game tournament, winners get the jobs.