The Franchised

Caucuses Give Iowa Influence, But Many Iowans Are Left Out -Tomorrow evening the thousands of Iowa voters who are not otherwise engaged will pick their candidates for President. The caucuses begin the Presidential selection process with a state that is already light on minorities and heavy on farmers, then exclude anyone who can't get out for a few hours on Thursday evening. The disenfranchised will include important groups, people in Thursday night bowling leagues, people who just spent their life savings on a baby sitter for New Year's Eve and can't afford to do it again for a caucus, people with work assignments that have taken them out of state (to Iraq, for example), people who work in the evenings, people who are still hung over from New Year's Eve, people who think Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy and the Orange Bowl are must see TV, people who can't bear to listen to any political discussion of duration exceeding one minute - really, it's amazing anyone shows up at all.

So, do we pity the poor, disenfranchised Iowans who will be otherwise engaged tomorrow night? Not for one second. A vote in a New Jersey Presidential primary is like a write-in for George Washington. You can pick the right guy, but the choice is already history. Iowans, those of you who are free tomorrow night, choose wisely. We are counting on you. Think of yourselves as the smart kid that gives his homework to the football team. We don't understand what you are doing and we don't really like you, but we know we can beat you up if things don't go well for us.

Senator Bollinger?

Ahmadinejad, at Columbia, Parries and Puzzles - Ahmadinejad is a nasty nut, fronting for a government of fanatical religious thugs, who occasionally makes a lucid point. Even the blind pig finds the truffle once in a while. The interesting story yesterday was not Ahmadinejad, but Lee Bollinger, Columbia's president. Not long ago Bollinger led a response by American academia to the boycott of Israel by British Universities. Why invite Ahmadinejad to speak? Once you invite him, why slap him in the face ("Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator") as part of the introduction?

First, why the invite? A stand for free speech? Maybe, although you can support free speech just by tolerating hateful speech, you don't need to promote it. Giving a crank like Ahmadinejad a prestigious forum tends to legitimize him. Bollinger pointed to the tradition of the Columbia World Leader's Forum as a place for all voices, and the crowd's right to hear, not Ahmadinejad's right to speak, as an essential element of academic freedom and a necessary basis for understanding and responding to opposing viewpoints. Was the invitation to Ahmadinejad a choice to promote academic freedom or to publicize President Bollinger? Was the nasty introduction all part of Bollinger's original plan, or did each draft Bollinger wrote get nastier and nastier as Bollinger was criticised heavily for extending the invitation? Bollinger's motives are probably the most interesting question in this story, but there is no easy way to answer that question. Once he invited Ahmadinejad to speak, someone needed to challenge him. The nasty remarks, when quoted out of context, almost seem over the line. Ahmmadinejad deserves them, and more, but tactically they generate sympathy for Ahmadinejad. In context they were part of a systematic, well-supported challenge by Bollinger. See the video for yourself.

On balance As Good As News says kudos, President Bollinger, although that invitation was a tough call. We reserve the right to change our mind if you run for office within the next two years - somebody has to fill that vacancy if Hillary wins. What a coup, defender of free speech and academic freedom, but tough on Iran - with front page headlines to show for it.

The Incline is Going Up

After 40 straight days of finding something that passed for humor in the NY Times headlines, As Good As News will change formats for a few weeks, with posting shifting to a more sporadic schedule and features from new contributors, including Chris Reitmeyer and Corey Hassett, originally from Pittsburgh, Pa., pictured above - that is Pittsburgh that is pictured, not Chris and Corey. More humor, fewer headlines, As Good As News is moving on up.

FOR CLINTON, WOOING WOMEN REQUIRES A CAREFUL BALANCE - OK, make it 41 straight days, and this headline stands on its own. Do not even bother to look at the boring story, just appreciate the art of the headline itself, no room for any mention of Hillary or voters, just Clinton Wooing Women. No way this was the result of anything less than a well laid plan. NY Times has at least one Obama supporter composing headlines.

IN A SHIFT, US WILL ALLOW MOST TYPES OF CIGARETTE LIGHTERS ON PLANES - Cigarette lighters allowed on planes where smoking is always banned, thanks for the breakthrough, TSA. Now put on your thinking caps and come up with something really useful, like letting us wear our shoes as we pass through security. Relaxation of lighter ban not totally useless, we can use them while chanting encore if we are ever booked on a flight with a Dylan concert.

A CHAMPION AT CHECKERS THAT CANNOT LOSE TO PEOPLE - Canadian professors announce they have computational proof that Chinook, a checkers playing computer, cannot be defeated. Big deal, I used to go to a restaurant in Chinatown with a chicken that was undefeated in tic-tac-toe. You drew a grid in the dirt at the bottom of the cage and scratched in your X's and O's. The chicken never lost fair and square, but became very confused if you went out of turn. What does Chinook do when you say, "Quick, look over there" and take a checker off the board? It always works on nephews. What about the basic Star Trek (original TV series, not sequels or movies) question - if Chinook plays itself will the two computers compute to their deaths or settle for a dignified draw? The only real proof in this story is that Canadian professors have too much spare time.

CHENEY WINS DISMISSAL OF SUIT BROUGHT BY VALERIE WILSON - First, kudos to As Good As News, we did not use this story to drag in a picture of Valerie (Plame) Wilson. Pittsburgh looked too good. Second, no real news here. Darth and his codefendants, Scooter, Karl and Richard Armitage (nice guy weight lifter who looks like WWE refugee, Armitage was the real Val outer, albeit inadvertently) were heavy favorites to win. Much precedent for immunity from suit when officials are acting within the broad scope of their duties, to rule otherwise would open Pandora's box. W might even be civilly liable for injuries and deaths in Iraq. Wait - let's think about this.

No Exit

Congestion fee to be collected as exit fee - why is this a headline? I remember living in Manhattan, I never made it out of the city without running into a squeegeeman. Fear not for New Yorkers, anyone living below 86th can afford this toll. What of the unsuspecting traveler, roach motel like, Manhattan says you can come in but you won't get out. What's a family from Ohio to do - abandon car and become Broadway gypsies? We knew those tap lessons would come in handy some day.

London car bombs suggest the new, fragmented Al Qaeda is poorly managed. Godfather would know to keep the Mercedes and leave the bombs in the Yugos. Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

Why did Supremes change their minds on Guantanamo review? An unusual move, especially since the Court could duck, let W close Guantanamo on his own. Spate of recent opinions shows some evidence of harmony in conservative block and somebody wants to decide this case right now for a reason. Maybe you can hurry love. Conservative court or not, the W administration should be very afraid. J. Scalia not all that worried about rights of suspected terrorists but he can be prickly when fundamental prerogatives of Supreme Court are in issue. Use of foreign prisons to avoid jurisdiction of the real judiciary (the Article III kind), might be one area where the conservatives will continue Court's decisions to rein in the W regime on Guantanamo.

Jewels- yawn- what's up with Paris?

Headlines on CIA "Family Jewels" were so enticing I spent hours looking for fun in all the wrong places. Not much humor, or much news, in the Jewels, although some of the details are intriguing for people who were around in the 60's and early 70's and there's a nice photo of the young Darth Cheney, still only partially converted to the dark side. This story will erupt only when we learn that Cheney has the leading man role in redacted sections. The moral of the story is ancient history: fund and operate a resourceful agency in a way that immunizes it from scrutiny by both the media and the opposition party and sooner or later even the most law abiding President (Richard Nixon?) will be unable to resist using that agency as a short-cut means to any ends, legal or not, moral or not, that the President (or his deniability enabling staff) can't achieve openly. Media scrutiny possibly not the ideal way to go for a spy agency, Congressional oversight already improved, let's cross our fingers and move on to an alternative form of government.

Pope Benedict XVI switches papal election system to call for run-off between the two leading candidates if no candidate gets 2/3 majority by 13th day of conclave. Run-off definitely the way to go, leading candidates usually at least 70 and sometimes in frail health. Not sure if run- off is a sprint or more of a middle distance, but at least we will get a pope who can lace up his sneakers and go for it without collapsing at starting line. Ripple effect starts now, as leading papal contenders go into training and College of Cardinals looks to capture NCAA cross country crown.

Long Line Every Time

Whole Foods introduced a new line system in NYC. A single line forms for all the registers and as a register opens it takes the next person from the big line, just like an airline check-in or a bank. I am the guy who always picks the wrong line and waits behind the shopper with the million coupons, the car attempting to pay a toll in pennies, the movie ticket buyer who needs a plot synopsis on each of ten shows at a multiplex, the rookie who doesn't quite get the self-checkout at Home Depot. I might even be the guy in the shouting match with the person who tries to cut the line. Bravo Whole Foods, Encore (in your suburban stores). The single line is faster, it's fairer and it promotes peace of mind, you just can't make a bad choice.

Although I applaud Whole Foods feverishly, I don't think we can give radical innovation credit. The Department of Motor Vehicles and INS - not generally lightning rods for change - were doing this a decade ago. Why can't we just use the single line with every line, everywhere.

If the major reason for delay in closing the US detention facilities at Guantanamo Bay is finding a place for all the prisoners, then just put them all in a single line. Whenever a space opens at a maximum security prison in the US, keep saying "next" until that long line is all gone.

Taxes Are Death - To Comics and Journalists

I watched a young comic die a horrible death at an open mic night last week. He took the stage with a good premise, a Richie Rich family schemes to ensure the death of its ailing patriarch in 2010 - not before and not after - because 2010 is the one year in which there will be no estate tax due to some odd Congressional machinations. The idea was to use the estate tax as a springboard into a very extended weekend at Bernie's. The crowd went into stunned silence at the first mention of estate tax and never recovered. If you need to explain a joke, it's not funny.

Today's NY Times runs a page 1 story on an end to tax breaks for hedge funds. Like most tax stories in general periodicals, it repeats buzzwords like tax break, hedge fund, wealthy financier, but never attempts to explain the fundamental question. This is not a story I have followed, but I hope a short example captures the basics. Ace, an expert investment manager, and Benny, a retiree who wants to spend all his time on the beach at the Jersey shore, start a partnership. Ace invests only one cent, but he will do all the work. Benny invests $100. If the partnership has profits, Ace will get 20% (known as a carried interest), Benny 80%. After much research, including tasting, Ace buys a barrel of single malt scotch whiskey for the partnership. The partnership holds it for ten years and sells at a big profit. Is Ace's share earned income, because it's compensation he received for managing the partnership, or is it long-term capital gain, because the whiskey was a capital asset the partnership held for a long time?

If you don't like the answer capital gain you can call it a tax break, but this is not some new loophole, it has been the law for decades. Most hedge funds will have short-term gains so the answer won't matter much to them, the impact is greater on private equity firms. Like many tax issues, it will effect wealthy financiers, but even some Mom & Pop partnerships have carried interests for a working partner. Loaded terminology with no real explanation avoids the question. Which answer, earned income or capital gain, best serves the competing interests in any tax question: raise revenue; strive for simplicity, consistency and stability; and don't disrupt the incentives needed to make a capitalist economy work? Is this too complicated for the reader...or for the reporter? If you need to explain a story, find a way to do so.

In a related story, love the lede on "reclusive and authoritarian Turkmenistan" - is President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov really reclusive? Maybe he can't get any coverage because media fears misspelling, mispronouncing that incredible name.

Failed States Recount

Sudan led this year's list of failed states, followed closely by Iraq. This was a fearsome competition, many states fail to deliver any services, several offer no semblance of stability or security, but only the select few go the extra mile and exterminate their own citizens on a wholesale basis. States to watch for next year - 1) The Peoples Republic of China - failed state watchers - do not be discouraged by years of stability, PRC still very much a government of men not laws. Consider production of medicines with intentional use of poison as a low cost ingredient, no problem in the PRC. PRC now captures market share in toys with low cost specials featuring lead paint and kerosene. For Christmas 2007 look for Suicide Bomber Barbie featuring a chest with real silicon implants and a back pack with real plastic explosive. If leaders are threatened look for PRC to revisit cultural revolution, move quickly into failed state contention 2) in a sleeper pick - New Jersey - Tony Soprano no longer around to keep peace in organized ....waste management.