One Answer Only +

No one will want help with today's puzzle, but it is a weekday, so

52 Across - Notorious stigma: scarletletter.

Which reminds As Good As News of the strike vanquished David Letterman. If you need a top ten fix badly try Letterman Strikes Back or Top Ten Reasons To See Iran Now. Scab labor? Yes, but you won't have to cross a picket line.

One Answer Only +

36 Across - First-class handouts: syllabi.
For freshmen coming to NYC, the first handout is The Real Don'ts For NYC Frosh

One Answer Only +

25 Across - Brainer (which gives you the secret to 36 across and all the long answers), reminiscent of the Cheney Quiz seen here on June 22, one of our favorite posts.

Later today we will cover the restoration of Imus and the intrusion of politics on contract bridge.

One Answer Only

53 Across: Comb Business - PartingCompany.

As Good As News will go with the hair reference for so long as we have some.

One Answer Only

This post introduces One Answer Only, a new feature from As Good As News which will provide the answer to one, and only one, New York Times crossword puzzle clue each weekday.

As Good As News will endeavor to select a long answer (so you actually get some worthwhile help solving the puzzle if that's what you seek) that is otherwise of interest.

Today's One Answer Only is 34 Across: "Floral" film of 2006 with Josh Hartnett and Scarlett Johansson - The Black Dahlia - Scarlett Johansson, author James Ellroy and crime fiction noire are all of interest here at As Good As News.

No promises are made on timing. I do the crossword every weekday, but not always in the morning. There is no absolute guaranty on daily posting due to travel and other commitments.

Cheap Shots

Bulgaria, Joining A European Trend, Won't Legalize Prostitution - Bulgarian Health Minister Radoslav Gaydarski announced the decision, noting that it was a simple matter of getting the cart before the horse. "Until we address Bulgaria's back hair crisis there is just no way to make prostitution economically viable in Bulgaria."

Ouch, normally As Good As News reserves the cheap shots for the powerful who have earned them, but we are under intense pressure from Turkmenistan to get Annadurdy Khajiev extradited, ASAP. Sorry Bulgaria, but you know how to stop this thing.

Chanukah Song Update

Marcel Marceau, World-Renowned Mime With A Classic Repertory, Dies At 84 - As Good As News apologizes for the delay in reporting this sad item, but we have just learned of a new development. Adam Sandler announced today that he would add a moment of silence between Parts I and II of the Chanukah song as a tribute to Marceau, born as Marcel Mangel to Jewish parents in Strasbourg, France.

Debate Erupts on Techniques Used by C.I.A. -Kudos again NY Times - not because you ran a great story yesterday, we already gave you credit for that - but because you resisted the temptation to put the following remark from Senator John D. Rockefeller IV in a bold face headline: "I find it unfathomable that the committee tasked with oversight of the C.I.A.’s detention and interrogation program would be provided more information by The New York Times than by the Department of Justice."

CIA withholds torture opinions it received from the Justice Department, Office of Legal Counsel on grounds of "privilege". Executive privilege or attorney-client privilege? If the latter, who is the client, the US government as a whole, or just the CIA/Executive Branch? There are some interesting issues, maybe even Constitutional questions, but the basic absurdity of the CIA position - We can torture because we got a letter from our lawyer, and we don't have to show anyone the letter - dominates the specific questions. Something will have to give here, either in a Congressional inquiry or a court case brought by a torture victim.

Strip Policy on Rikers Costs City - The City has already agreed to a settlement fund of up to $50 Million to cover claims for inappropriate strip searches at the Riker's Island prison and it appears the guards are going for more. What is going on, Riker's guards? $50 Million broken into small bills should be more than adequate to stuff several hundred thousand G-Strings, with plenty left over for the lap dances, we gave you an unlimited budget and you exceeded it.

Headline Crawl 2

As seems to be the case every day lately, the comic opportunites presented by the NY Times are overwhelming my limited time - and I'm retired with nothing else to do. All we can squeeze in is a quick run through of page A1, with one extra item that was too good to miss:

Harvard Student is Given Extra Exam Time to Pump Breast Milk - Since when has Harvard offered a course in breast milk pumping? When is it taught, is it co-ed, can non-enrolled students audit and attend the final exam?

Blackwater Logs Most Shootings of Firms in Iraq - The other contractors are doing their best, just give them time to get up to speed. Only Blackwater has reached the point where it is taking out entire firms instead of just isolated private citizens. (note - this flaw was repaired in the title for the linked e-story, quoted title is from the hard copy Times).

GM-Union Deal Could End Business As Usual In Detroit - Business as usual ended for Detroit in the late 1960s. Try visiting downtown after dark. As for the auto industry, defeasing health care obligations to a funded trust was a win-win idea. GM gets a load off its financial statements, UAW members get to look to a funded trust for future benefits instead of a shrinking payor that might fail someday. The mini-strike was probably needed to give the plan credibility with UAW members, but it was no sell out, just Union leadership with vision.

Myanmar Attacks Protesters, Arresting Monks - OK, so Doc Gurby of Turkmenistan is crazy but Myanmar is just conducting business as usual when it attacks arresting monks? Why were these monks so arresting anyway? Yes, that Britney Spear, Sinead O'Connor shaved head look can be a real head turner. (e-headline changed to "Raids Monasteries"- curse you Time's editors - why do you fix these mistakes before I'm finished making fun of them.) Myanmar sounds like a chocolate coated, marshmallow filled treat sold only in Summer. Besides getting some leadership that's not a military junta with a stone-age mindset, this country needs a branding makeover, starting with a new name. Burma has a nice ring to it.

Time. Pencils down. Stop. This means you Mr. Borrok. Stop or I'll be forced to report you. I don't care who your father is, you must stop writing immediately.

Outsourced - Movie beats Story

Outsourcing Works So Well, India Is Sending Jobs Abroad - Well, sort of. Irony is beloved at the Times. The notion that India, the king of capturing jobs that can be handled on-line or by telephone, would now be losing the same jobs to countries that can do them for less, smacks of delicious irony and grabs a page A-1 headline. The term "poetic reflection" actually appears. Read your own story NY Times. This is not outsourcing, these companies are hiring workers where they can find them, adding jobs, not moving existing jobs out of India to countries that do them more cheaply. In one example the Indian based multinational Infosys is staffing a global office structure, but it is meeting the needs of global clients (some of whom speak Spanish, Portugese and other languages) and dealing with the scarcity of skilled programming labor, not just dealing with high costs in India by moving jobs elsewhere. It's sad when the search for delicious irony trumps the search for truth, it's just whacky when the headline and lede are so determined to find irony that they ignore a basically accurate story.

Outsourced, the movie, - is a comedy that works well without getting tangled up in economics. Josh Hamilton plays the lone survivor of an outsourced American call center, banished to India to train his own replacement. He survives a comic struggle with an alien culture, eventually finding romance and coming to terms with India. The preview audience laughed loud and often. Director and co-writer John Jeffcoat sets a delayed gratification record, waiting through three scenes before he delivers the punch line on the "Mr. Toad" sign glimpsed in the hands of a limo driver in a crowded airport scene. He also comes up with a great bit in which the Indian call center employees deliver famous Hollywood movie lines to perfect their American accents and a vivid and ultimately revealing sight gag in which a Hindu change of season ritual explodes like a paint ball ambush. This is an independent film which got a lot of bang for its buck by shooting in India. Watch for a New York open soon, but broader distribution will depend on reviews and revenues.

Senator Bollinger?

Ahmadinejad, at Columbia, Parries and Puzzles - Ahmadinejad is a nasty nut, fronting for a government of fanatical religious thugs, who occasionally makes a lucid point. Even the blind pig finds the truffle once in a while. The interesting story yesterday was not Ahmadinejad, but Lee Bollinger, Columbia's president. Not long ago Bollinger led a response by American academia to the boycott of Israel by British Universities. Why invite Ahmadinejad to speak? Once you invite him, why slap him in the face ("Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator") as part of the introduction?

First, why the invite? A stand for free speech? Maybe, although you can support free speech just by tolerating hateful speech, you don't need to promote it. Giving a crank like Ahmadinejad a prestigious forum tends to legitimize him. Bollinger pointed to the tradition of the Columbia World Leader's Forum as a place for all voices, and the crowd's right to hear, not Ahmadinejad's right to speak, as an essential element of academic freedom and a necessary basis for understanding and responding to opposing viewpoints. Was the invitation to Ahmadinejad a choice to promote academic freedom or to publicize President Bollinger? Was the nasty introduction all part of Bollinger's original plan, or did each draft Bollinger wrote get nastier and nastier as Bollinger was criticised heavily for extending the invitation? Bollinger's motives are probably the most interesting question in this story, but there is no easy way to answer that question. Once he invited Ahmadinejad to speak, someone needed to challenge him. The nasty remarks, when quoted out of context, almost seem over the line. Ahmmadinejad deserves them, and more, but tactically they generate sympathy for Ahmadinejad. In context they were part of a systematic, well-supported challenge by Bollinger. See the video for yourself.

On balance As Good As News says kudos, President Bollinger, although that invitation was a tough call. We reserve the right to change our mind if you run for office within the next two years - somebody has to fill that vacancy if Hillary wins. What a coup, defender of free speech and academic freedom, but tough on Iran - with front page headlines to show for it.

The Donald To The Rescue?

The Tiara Was Nice, Now Where's The Scholarship? - The Miss America Organization, based in, where else, New Jersey, responds to charges that local and state beauty contest winners, the feeder contests for Miss America, are not receiving promised scholarships with the following statement: “While it is unimaginable that scholarships, which are the heart and soul of Miss America, could or would be wrongly withheld from pageant participants, we are looking into these allegations. We have definitive procedures in place to vet disputes and guarantee state organizations stand behind their scholarship agreements with the Miss America Organization and those to whom scholarships are promised.” The statement added, “The Miss America Organization is absolutely unaware of any young lady that has ever been denied payment of scholarships after properly following the application process.” Some of these local contests are volunteerish, chamber of commerce affairs, but the failure to deliver on promised scholarships, especially the larger scholarships offered at the state level, reads more like a manipulative con than the good faith bumbling of contest organizers. That statement we just quoted is so deep in solid waste it sounds like something Tony Soprano should be managing.

-The contest winners, young ladies, who endure the indignities of evening gown competitions, inane interviews and and mandatory tiara wear to earn their scholarships, deserve a better fate. Remember, these are scholarship competitions, not beauty contests. Today's photos are a case in point. Consider Ashley Wood, Miss South Carolina 2004, photographed in her tiara and at Wharton where she now attends school - looking like a manicured Elle Woods at Harvard Law as other students dressed like, well - students - appear in the background. Ms Wood is getting a runaround instead of the $25,000 scholarship she was promised.

-Donald Trump, Miss America needs you. You have the experience as the owner of the Miss Universe pageant - OK that's a beauty contest, not a scholarship contest, but you know the business. Step in and volunteer to reorganize this mess, at least down to the state level. People would trust you to get the job done right. Sure you seem a little smarmy at times, but there is no way you are going to take the publicity hit you would suffer from stiffing a deserving winner who does not get the scholarship she's promised. Best of all - yet another cross promotion opportunity for The Apprentice. Sign Ashley Wood for an appearance as an Apprentice competitor at your first Miss America press conference and make it a standing annual offer for one Miss America contestant each year. Miss American Apprentice won't necessarily be the Miss America winner but the contestant you pick based on her academic and entrepreneurial track record. You can even bring the revitalized Miss America back to Atlantic City, the Trump Taj could use a breath of fresh air.

SF Golden Gaters 1- Santa Monica Reds 0

state funded universal health care- the graveyard of Hillary Clinton - 1st Lady - Beta Version; something corporate America, especially industrial America, suddenly wants as a competitive edge. S[s]tate provided health care for every uninsured adult is the subject of an experiment in San Francisco. Many, including As Good As News, thought this had to be addressed on a national basis. Any state or city that offered free health care would be overwhelmed. Every employer would cancel it's medical benefits on a local basis, leaving the unlucky leader in the move to state sponsored care to pick up the tab, as care for the uninsured quickly became care for everyone. San Francisco thinks it has an answer. The city's health care is not portable. You need to be an SF resident seeking treatment in SF, or you are not covered. So, if Cisco does not cover its San Francisco based employees in an effort to shift costs to the city, then the employees better stay healthy on their wine country tour. SF thinks this will deter the Cisco's of the world from dropping coverage. What if Cisco provides back-up or wrap-around care that applies only when the SF resident/employee is outside SF? We will see. In the meantime, that's what Federalism is all about. And in the newly created As Good As News Emma Goldman Cup (modeled after the Fed Ex Cup in golf - its got a point system that is way too complicated to explain but the best city will surely win) - San Francisco grabs the first round lead while the People's Republic of Santa Monica can only gasp in awe at another city grabbing the starring role in the national debate on universal health care.

Alan Greenspan is barely scratching the surface with his query on how W can be a Republican and still be Mr. Big spender, Big government. Teddy Roosevelt would lead the charge against W's last gasp wave of regulation designed to exploit Federally owned natural resources. Barry Goldwater would ask what happened to individual rights when W let Darth "anything goes" Cheney gut the constitution. AuH2o would be confused by the whole social conservative movement that Karl Rove turned into the basis for the Republican base- Barry might not favor gay marriage - but he would say it was none of the Federal government's business. Notice how Barry's picture refused instructions to go left at the top of today's post. Ike would be astonished by the Federal budget and budget deficit. This guy won two wars for less than W's annual budget shortfall and knew the military - industrial complex required a wary eye. Ike also passed the first modern civil rights bill and nominated Earl Warren as Chief Justice. W prints money to fund Iraq and gets his advice from the military-industrial complex. W's own father was a sophisticated internationalist and a realist who understood that the dream of democracy wouldn't justify sending American men and women to die in Iraq so that an Iraqi civil war could be initiated (with Saddam's overthrow) and then contained (through continued coalition presence) with no net long term accomplishment. W campaigned on including minorities in the Republican party and he has succeeded. The minority who believe public schools should teach evolution as science, the minority who believe in faith based snap decisions that ignore history and the facts, these minorities are solidly in the Republican camp.

Who hijacked the Republican Party? Newt Gingrich was driving when the bus made a hard left toward tax cuts uber alles with no concern for deficit spending. The religious right jumped on to sign the Contract for America, then Karl Rove called shotgun and navigated the 2000 campaign "won" on issues like gay marriage, school prayer and abortion, issues that had little to do with the President's duties. Darth Cheney saw a chance to revisit Iraq (he left some laundry in Baghdad in the 90's) and pulled the cord for an emergency stop just as the bus was on track for success in Afghanistan. Darth put W on his lap, grabbed the wheel, and took charge, steering the bus to a secret and very dark underground cell as John Yoo kept whispering everything was OK. Now a swarm of GOP candidates is struggling to rediscover where, and what, the party really is in time for the 2008 election.

Decider Picks None of the Above

Bush Is Nearing A Choice To Lead The Justice Dept. - Let's not blow it again, W. Here are a few simple rules to follow, some of which you may actually like.

- Under no circumstances discuss this choice with Karl Rove, he's earned his retirement and he will only get you into trouble. What do you mean you already talked to Karl. No, you cannot name someone AG just because they want to prosecute Obama for loitering and remind Karl that there's no need for dirty tricks this year, you're not running for reelection. What? No, W, I know about FDR but it's in the Constitution now, didn't Alberto tell you that there are amendments too. I'm sorry W, you just can't run again.

-If anyone from Darth Cheney's office makes a suggestion listen carefully, then make sure that person does not become AG. I hear you W, and I know you really like Scooter Libby, but you just can't nominate the guy while he's serving time.

-When you finally have your short list, ask each candidate the same question. "What does the Constitution mean to you?" Now W, this is important, if anyone responds "What do you want it to mean" you have to send them home immediately. That's what got you into trouble with Mr. Yoo and Mr. Gonzales.

- Pick someone you trust. It's OK to pick a conservative Republican. Be careful though, a real conservative might actually care about Constitutional limits on executive power.

- Get a good manager. The AG has a big department to run, and it's already full of smart guys like John Yoo, smart guys with their own agenda, people that bear watching. The job demands people skills, the new AG will inherit a department that's been battered by Rove's political tampering and Darth's anything goes view of the Constitution. The gang that's left polishes their resumes from 9-5 then goes out for a beer after work every night to polish the lyrics to the new Justice Department theme song - Why We Hate W!

- Credentials are essential, especially with the mess you already made. Senate confirmation and respect from within the Justice Department will depend on these, but hey, you hired guys from Harvard (Gonzales) and Yale (Yoo) for jobs at Justice and they were disasters- Oh that's right - you went to Yale and Harvard, didn't you W - well, case closed. Why not try a Princeton undergrad, University of Texas Law grad with big-time government experience, someone who knows how to get along with a legislature - James A. Baker. Sure he's old and you blew off his Iraq report, but he cares about the country and he'll only be working for a year. With a little arm-twisting you can get him as AG and tell him to forget about that Azerbaijan-US Chamber of Commerce gig and make friends with Turkmenistan (As Good As News always stretching for an opportunity to plug Doc Gurby -it's not easy being the official blog of reclusive Turkmenistan.)

Second Opinion

Former Law Adviser Speaks Out On Bush - Jack Goldsmith is a conservative lawyer who served as head of the Office of Legal Counsel in the Justice Department. He resigned after just nine months and his book paints an ugly picture. The entire review is well worth reading. The W administration did whatever it wanted, then looked around for a lawyer to confirm that this was legal. Often they found John Yoo, a lawyer who did not let a small thing like the Constitution (or the Geneva convention or any other source of law) interfere with his legal opinion that W and Darth Cheney could torture and wiretap at will. Administration officials were constantly pushing the lawyers to expand executive authority. Michael Hayden (then NSA, now CIA Director) wanted to be sure that he "had chalk on his spikes", i.e., that he was acting at the outer boundary of executive authority. Thanks to Mr. Yoo's advice, Darth and W went so far beyond the chalk line that their cleats were picking up popcorn from the cheap seats near the top of the stadium. Yoo was a lap dog, selected for his conservative views, desperately eager to please in the post 9/11 world and directly loyal to Darth and W with an eye on the main chance and not much concern for his Justice Department superiors. A process in which an executive constantly pushes an independent, principled and capable lawyer for approval can work, the lawyer can say no when the law so dictates, witness Goldsmith's service. Although sometimes functional, executive pressure is not the best way to go - it's more fun to have a client who actually wants an advisor during the decision making process, not a rubber stamping scape goat. Even when the executive pressure system works, it makes life miserable for the lawyer (Goldsmith lasted only nine months) and requires nearly superhuman dedication unless the lawyer has organizational support. The Justice Department was at least somewhat functional until Mr. Gonzales, another lap dog, took over. An executive giving orders to a lap dog doesn't generate advice, it generates an excuse. Mr. Yoo's sole function was to justify W's "we didn't do anything illegal" soundbite when the extent of his domestic surveillance was uncovered. Sit Yoo sit, roll over Albert, atta boys, now tell us we don't need warrants for domestic surveillance - great job, here's a steak we'll ask you to define torture tomorrow. W and Darth should get no co credit for relying on advice of counsel in a process they rigged. Goldsmith's book is undoubtedly self serving, but as a conservative insider who shared W's objectives, his story has credibility.

An Opportunity for Wall Street In China's Surveillance Boom - China continues to install a grid of cameras and face recognition software and function as Internet super nanny. This technology can be used to fight traditional crime (muggers, Internet kiddie porn or fraud). It can also be used to repress dissent, free speech and political opposition. So what's new? Chinese security official Li Runsen made it obvious that he's getting rich from the surveillance by putting himself on the board of a private surveillance technology supplier incorporated in the US. California Democratic Congressman Tom Lantos is sputtering publicly about the fact that US hedge funds and investment banks are funding China's police state through investment in the the suppliers. The financiers point to surveillance cameras in NYC and say what's the problem. The problem is that NYC is not a repressive one party state (well at least we have a meaningful primary once in a while) that crushes democracy with tanks when the occasion arises. Supplying the high-tech police state is certainly a lucrative business. Returns must be great when the party officials involved in the suppliers are also guiding the purchases. Beware nonetheless, US financiers, it's only a matter of time before this technology is used to make sure that everyone who shows up for the next Tiananmen Square (wherever it may be, even if it is a virtual rally) and everyone who knows anyone who shows up for the next Tiananmen Square will be hunted down and reeducated. Then you, Barry Kitt of Pinnacle and you, Kenneth Griffin of Citadel, and you Jeff Feinberg of JLF can take pride in your role, and if you would prefer to forget about it, then I suspect Congressman Lantos and many others will be kind enough to remind you.

Low Technologies High Aims - MIT hosts the International Development Design Summit, the engineering and design equivalent (or perhaps much needed partner would be a better view) to the red hot field of microcapitalism. The goal -find affordable, available solutions for real needs of less developed areas, the backpack that makes it easier to carry water, the bicycle powered grain mill, the expandable drip irrigation system. The Summit is a four week workshop (including the welding seminar pictured above) that makes real progress on specific projects, not just a meet, greet, inspire and scatter. Let's add a fifth week next time, invite hedge funds in to view the projects as potential investments, maybe come up with a home for some money that doesn't help to make a powerful police state impregnable.

Foul Ups

Today we revisit recent posts with new information and assess a plot twist for Big Love.

As Good As News was dead wrong in not picking Justine Henin to win the US Open singles (original post - Scouting Report - September 3). The problem may have started in the semis, where Venus Williams was holding her own in the second set, despite spraying some forehands long. Suddenly, Venus was asking the chair umpire for help from the trainer, which is allowed, but not until the next changeover. Bang, Venus loses three points and her service game in no time. By the time the trainer can get on court to take Venus's pulse the match is out of control. Henin wins in straight sets, shows up for the final rested and confident and handles Kuznetsova with ease. The Kuznetsova pick assumed that an exhausted Williams or Henin would struggle into the final, but Henin looked like she could have handled Kuznetsova even if Henin had been worn down by Venus.

As Good As News gets partial credit for spotting mixed doubles champ Victoria Azarenka as a talent to watch. Perhaps we can still redeem ourselves completely if we get lucky with the courageous pick of Roger Federer as men's singles champ.

The Golden Gate Bridge authority should be collecting royalties from Ghirardelli Chocolates( original post - Golden Gate Could be Golden - August 26). Take a look at the ad on the back cover of the Times Magazine. Great photo of the bridge at night, how about a small contribution to keep that bridge beautiful, not to mention safe.

A Fugitive Political Fund Raiser Leaves A Shadowy Money Trail - Mystery campaign contributor Norman Hsu may not be so rich, he filed for bankruptcy in Hong Kong in 1998. He is in custody. Bits and pieces of information are emerging. Hsu was clearly using a shell company to shuffle money around, in one month in 2003 taking $600,000 from various sources, including $200,000 from two individuals, and then transferring $600,000 to other individuals who contributed money to the Clinton campaigns through Hsu. This looks like a mechanism to help the sources for these funds circumvent limits on campaign contributions. Hsu's lawyer denies "Hsu provided money for others to make contributions", but the statement was narrowly worded. Reimbursing for prior contributions is equally illegal, and defense counsel's statement includes only Hsu, not his companies.

A $100,000 political contributor who's using a shell game to avoid detection usually wants something in return, access at the very least. Someone was almost certainly paying for the full attention of Senator Clinton, although if everything was presented through Hsu and his straw man donors Hillary may well not have known about the shenanigans to avoid contribution limits. How Hsu evaded campaign finance laws will be interesting - but, because she is not an idiot, we will find Hillary did not know anything about violations of campaign finance law. Watch for a deeper issue - who were the fat cats that funded the contributions Hsu managed? What issues mattered to these fat cats? What positions did Hillary take on these issues and how active was she? In other words, what did Hsu's backers get for their money.

Boys Cast Out By Polygamists Find New Help - The arithmetic of polygamy creates a problem. If a man is supposed to have four wives, and if the birthrate is 50/50 male/female, then what do the three males who are shut out of the marriage market do? Not something we think about every day in New Jersey, but the numbers don't lie - it's a serious problem. In the fundamentalist LDS sect run by Warren S. Jeffs the unlucky extra males are selected, ejected and shunned as teens, usually on the basis of a pretext that makes the kids believe they are doomed to eternal damnation. Ejection also creates some immediate problems, like loss of family, food, clothing and shelter. The families, even many of the male teen victims, remain true believers in Mr. Jeffs' vision. To the non-believer the power of faith and 24/7/365 conditioning is amazing. With this kind of hold on his sect, it's surprising Jeff's doesn't turn the extra males into a militia of suicide bombers. No wife for you in this life, but if you take out an IRS agent or a Federal Marshall you'll find forty virgins when you get to heaven. Fortunately Mr. Jeffs is about to stand trial on charges of sexual exploitation, but watch for the bachelor militia angle in the season finale of Big Love.

Finally, even the Times does not understand it's own general approach to headline capitalization. The notion that any rule applies seems to be a massive oversimplification perpetrated by the naive here at As Good As News. In the polygamy story headline, "By" is capitalized in the hard copy, but not on line. Since a preposition should not be capitalized in the "rule" As Good As News derived by observation, this may be a simple correction. Maybe the e-crew took the opportunity to fix a mistake that slipped by the hard copy gang working on deadline. I think it's actually a sinister plot to drive me nuts.

Have You Looked in Vegas

The As Good As News scouting report on Victoria Azarenka predicted her singles loss to Kuznetsova, while noting that we would hear more from her. It did not take long. See the post of September 3 for a photo of the 2007 US Open mixed doubles champs, Max Mirnyi and Victoria Azarenka, who saved five consecutive break points in a second set tiebreaker to grab the championship.

Virus Is Seen as Prime Suspect in Death of Honeybees - A team of entomologists and geneticists identified Israeli acute paralysis virus as a primary, but not sole, cause of mysterious, mass bee hive die-offs in North America last winter. This mystery remains partially unsolved. Other suspected causes -poor nutrition, frequent transport of hives in "industrialized" beekeeping. Wait a minute - let's look at what is really happening here, the workers leave the hive and do not return. This whole die-off thing is really a mysterious disappearance, no one is reporting they found millions of little honeybee corpses in the back yard. In the bee hive you have the queen who is, well, the queen. You have the drones, males who sit around the hive, eat the free honey, watch the big screen plasma TV, take an occasional stab at making their contribution to reproduction and then die young. No real motive for these guys to disappear. Finally, you have the workers, undeveloped females who work constantly to keep the hive going, essentially spending their lives as slaves. The workers are leaving the hive and not coming back. Poor nutrition? Perhaps, but if the virus is not the whole story then we should look for a massive increase in the worker bee population of Las Vegas. Maybe paid vacation and some health benefits would get those worker bees back into the hives.

Survey Reveals Student Attitudes, Parental Goals and Teacher Mistrust - Nearly half of NYC middle and high school students say students who get good grades are not respected. Mayor Bloomberg views this as troubling and calls for a shift to a "culture of success." You may have this one backwards, Mayor B. Nerds are historically unpopular - in fact "nearly half" is a surprisingly low number - the regular kids probably didn't believe the survey was really anonymous. Sure this makes for some tough years in middle school and high school - but isn't that the incentive to get into a college where you can be normal? The fact that one-third of teachers mistrust the principal is more interesting. This may have something to do with the fact that NYC principals can now actually do something if they think a teacher is incompetent. Let's watch this number in future surveys. Will teacher trust go up or down and why - because the principals earn the trust of the good teachers or push out the mistrustful.

The Brothers Solomon - Mixed review of a new movie characterized as slapstick in the style of the early Steve Martin (insert arrow through skull thusly). Key to success - the inspired casting of Lee Majors (The Big Valley, Six Million Dollar Man) as the comatose dad.

Diapers Back on Top

Women in NASA Triangle Face Each Other in Court - Capt. Lisa Nowak, the astronaut accused of trying to kidnap her love triangle rival, is back in the news and sharing the courtroom with her intended victim during a pretrial hearing. Capt. Nowak wants to stop wearing her ankle bracelet because it's inconvenient and expensive (the accused gets to pay for her own house arrest accessories, nice touch). The prosecutor had a sympathetic suggestion, fire your media consultant and then you can afford the bracelet. Detective William Becton was questioned at length in the hearings. The legal issue - did Becton advise Nowack of her rights. The real point - what else - the diapers. Detective Becton found three used diapers in the back of Nowak's car. Becton says Nowak acknowledged that she used the diapers so she could drive non-stop on her kidnapping mission. Nowak has an alternate version - some cock and bull story about the diapers being left over from a hurricane two years before, but every stand up comic in America stands squarely behind Detective Benton - Astronaut Uses Diapers In Non-Stop Cross-Country Love Triangle Kidnap Journey - that's our story and we are sticking to it - yech - don't take that "sticking to it' too literally. Note that this story about Capt. Nowak's hearing is featured directly above a second NASA story, one with no photo and half the column space of the diaper piece. NASA has determined what caused foam to fall, damaging heat shields, on the last shuttle mission. The falling foam story has no love triangle, no diapers, just the safety of the astronauts on future missions at stake. Did Rupert Murdoch buy the Wall Street Journal or the NY Times?

Companies Agree To Pay To Settle SAT Error Suit - College Board and NCS Pearson, Inc. agreed to pay $2.85 Million to settle a class action involving mistakes in the SAT scores reported to over 4,400 students in 2005. The settlement averages about $646 per student, College Board got off easy. Imagine, the difference between lifetime income for an Ivy League grad versus a community college grad, multiply times 4,400 then add on the damages for the mental anguish of the students times 4,400, then add on the damages for the mental anguish of the parents times 8,800. Good thing for College Board the error was discovered before the admissions decisions were final, although it did effect the choice of some students on where to apply.

Big News in Small Print

Still no word from Ashgabat on recognition for As Good As News as the official blog of Turkmenistan. No news not good news, or even good enough. As Good As News hereby provisionally declares itself the official blog of Turkmenistan, subject to revocation on notice from Turkmenistan's beloved President, Dr. Gurby.

The biggest news in the NY Times today is in very small print, just below the weather in the upper right hand corner. The price went up by 25%, from $1 to $1.25. For this kind of money I expect better news. Not just better coverage, that would be unlikely but not impossible. As Good As News actually expects better news for its exta $.25, a thick paper filled with progress and happy endings every single day. Close reading of today's Times does not suggest any movement in this direction, but it's only day 1 of the new price structure. Maybe a stiff letter to the editor will get things moving.

While the Times is busy charging something extra for nothing more the Washington Post is moving in the right direction. Today it introduced a "hyperlocal" website covering Loudoun County, Virginia. This site will carry important news, like a mail box getting knocked over. I just finished posting a hyperlocal item - the kind of story everyone wants, local flavor with a happy ending. Neighbors walked dog, dog pooped, all arrived home safely.

THE HAND THAT CONTROLS THE SOCK PUPPET COULD GET SLAPPED - "Sock-Puppeting" or better yet, sock puppetry - fantastic term, sounds like an obscure sexual practice that is still a felony in the deep South. The real definition is almost as good, self-promoting internet postings using a false identity to conceal the poster's self interest from the reader. Sock puppetry proved irresistible to Lord Black, Hollinger CEO now convicted fraudster, and Whole Foods CEO John Mackey. Both undoubtedly got sick of lawyers telling them to limit public comments and, in classic CEO think, decided on their own that they could say anythng they wanted so long as they lied about their identity. As Good As News would be outraged but for fact that selected As Good As News posts have been ghostwritten by US Ambassador from Turkmenistan, private equity tax lobbyist and counsel to Scooter Libby.

Long Line Every Time

Whole Foods introduced a new line system in NYC. A single line forms for all the registers and as a register opens it takes the next person from the big line, just like an airline check-in or a bank. I am the guy who always picks the wrong line and waits behind the shopper with the million coupons, the car attempting to pay a toll in pennies, the movie ticket buyer who needs a plot synopsis on each of ten shows at a multiplex, the rookie who doesn't quite get the self-checkout at Home Depot. I might even be the guy in the shouting match with the person who tries to cut the line. Bravo Whole Foods, Encore (in your suburban stores). The single line is faster, it's fairer and it promotes peace of mind, you just can't make a bad choice.

Although I applaud Whole Foods feverishly, I don't think we can give radical innovation credit. The Department of Motor Vehicles and INS - not generally lightning rods for change - were doing this a decade ago. Why can't we just use the single line with every line, everywhere.

If the major reason for delay in closing the US detention facilities at Guantanamo Bay is finding a place for all the prisoners, then just put them all in a single line. Whenever a space opens at a maximum security prison in the US, keep saying "next" until that long line is all gone.