Thursday, May 29, 2008

A Banana Capture Day, Excellent Feature

A-1 Monkeys Think, Moving Artificial Arm as Own / Mars Lander's Arm Unfolds - Later today, the first interplanetary banana capture.

B-1 Grunting in East Side Gym Class Leads to Hospital, and to Court - Optional comma in headline? Unusual choice, Time's headline gang. Picture two beefy investment banking types in spin class. Spinner One (Sugarman) grunts loudly and shouts ("You Go Girl") as he spins. Spinner Two (Carter) hates it, asks for help from the instructor, but gets no relief. Spinner Two tells Spinner One to shut up. One replies, "Make Me". Two then charges One, thrusting his bike into the wall and then dropping it. Ouch. Grunter and charger, why not trade spin for sumo, preferably relocating to Tokyo as part of your new lifestyle.

C-1 Natural Gas in Pause Mode - See yesterday's post for pioneering use of "pause mode" in business context. Extensive shipping and storage facilities built on now disproved assumption that cheap natural gas would always be available? No problem. As the official blog of Turkmenistan, As Good As News knows where we can find massive supplies of natural gas, but there's one small precondition to access. The NY Times must get through twelve consecutive months without using "reclusive" or "hermetic" to describe Turkmenistan.

D-1 Big Brown Owner Is Trying to Put Troubles Behind - Just like the Times, always on the side of the Man, slamming the poor guy just because he's big and brown (and lied about working at Goldman Sachs, didn't pay his taxes, defaulted on a casino marker, was fined and suspended by one employer for making unauthorized trades, spent his entire Wall Street career as a penny stock broker then raised money as a "high profile investment banker" and then came up with a goofy story to explain every problem - yech). If the owners were running instead of the horses I'd be pulling for Casino Drive.

E-5 A Feisty String Orchestra With Shades of Pop Music - Capital [W]ith? Are there no rules whatsoever when it comes to headline capitalization? Vince McMahon is slobbering at the opportunity to add a new division to the WWE, but can even the feistiest strings take on the percussionists?

F-1 Keeping Chlorine Out of the Pool - Chlorine smell a problem? Really? In my pool it beats the alternatives - the tangy odor of drowned mice, the faint but unmistakable whiff of duck feces. I'll take that antiseptic aroma anytime, it sends the right message to the neighboring wildlife, who would like to make my pool part of their environment.

While we're at it -G-6 Coffee tastings? Visit a Dunkin Donuts and put your money in an IRA.

NY Times endorsements in the New Jersey primaries. Lautenberg? OK, he'll be 91 but Andrews reneged on his deal not to run. In the Seventh Congressional District As Good As News takes Martin Marks over Leonard Lance. Both alliterate for alphabet day, but only one is an M & M. Young at Heart coming to the Beacon. See review here.

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