Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sperm Crisis Rocks Brits

Shortage of Sperm Donors in Britain Prompts Calls for Change - Yes, the linked article has a self explanatory title, but what to do? Elect Barack Obama - relax that was not racial stereotype humor, just could not resist overwrought "Calls for Change" headline. Seriously, there isn't enough sperm in Britain. Why? Can't get enough donors. Why? Because the donors aren't allowed to remain anonymous, at least not when the resulting child reaches age 18 and looks for his or her father. Also because each donor is allowed to spawn only 10 progeny - a number selected somewhat arbitrarily (it's 25 in the Netherlands) - to avoid inadvertent inbreeding.

In the days before Margaret Thatcher, that shrinking group of Brit sperm donors would have known exactly what to do. Form a union, get the fees up, offer pensions, improve working conditions, attract new donors. See the (secretly) related story on unionized Air Traffic Controllers bouncing back from the Reagan axe with a new local at Gitmo - Ronnie would no doubt have taken advantage of the conveniently located severe interrogation facilities to head this off at the pass. While you're digressing on unions, see today's editorial from Thomas Friedman preempting what otherwise might have been a funny post here on management and union at GM producing a financial black hole rivalled only by the mysterious astrofinancial marvel AIG.

So, maybe a new union's not the way to go, but there must be some way to deal with Great Britain's Great Sperm crisis. New York would know exactly what to do. Disguise the donation center as a slightly seedy (ouch) Days Inn, allow all the politicians, sorry, donors, to register repeatedly under the name Smith, upgrade every room to include free movie service and hand out passes for complimentary lap dances at that gentleman's club next door - problem solved.

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