Friday, June 6, 2008

Red Wine Slows Aging - A Controlled Experiment

New Hints That Red Wine May Slow Aging - OK, I know this is from yesterday's paper, but did you really expect me to post without experimental verification? I established the parameters of a simple experiment - daily doses of red wine, each followed by a short waiting period and a daily photo to record aging or lack thereof. I set the initial dose at one-half bottle of Chianti. Unfortunately I consumed the entire dose before realizing that the most promising results had been obtained using French wine. After repeating the initial dose with an inexpensive Burgundy, I decided to fill the waiting period before photo 1 productively, with a short nap.

I awakened, or at least felt awake, right on schedule, only to encounter a news story about a Frenchman scaling the tall, erect NY Times building with his bare hands. Although it seemed starkly real, I knew this story could only be a Burgundy and Time's blogging induced dream. Reluctantly, I took another short nap before proceeding with photo 1.

Seemingly waking again, the first sounds to reach me carried the news that a second man had scaled the Times while Hillary Rodham Clinton ended her campaign. Even in my dream I knew I must be dreaming, but the juxtaposed images were frightening, the reality of the newscast extraordinary. Skipping photo 1 altogether, I proceeded directly to the second dose, then turned to further library research, reviewing the work of Dr. Lenny Guarente at MIT. It seems that I can simulate the sirtuin genes into anti-aging activity with resveratrol, which I can extract at home to ensure appropriate quality control and avoid the dreamlike side effects. Will now proceed using revised experimental parameters.

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