-Their Looks For Fall 2008 - The Times reports Barack Obama and Rudy lead the youth movement in campaign apparel, as Rudy has seized on both sports and Italian - American design themes. Rudy is reportedly adjusting his "R" themed campaign gear to a Red Sox logo "R" and substituting blue for green to dump the Italian color scheme and capture the New England vote.
-Mob Discussed Giuliani Hit - A family of violent Yankee fans operating operating from a Fish and Game club on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx was caught by electronic surveillance planning a response to Rudy's flip flop.
Voice 1 -First Torre's out, now F......ing Rudy turns on the Yankees- this pro abortion, pro gay two faced punk who was never a real Catholic, a real Italian or a real Yankee fan is selling us out and switching his Italian gear to Red Sox crap - I'm taking this f....er out before he destroys the little good that's left in this country.
Voice 2 -Calm down Lamb Chop, New Hampshire's not our territory.
Voice 1 - I don't give a f... . I'll hit that F... er in F.......ing Red Sox territory where he deserves to die.
-Mideast Hawks Help to Develop Giuliani Policy - Apprised of the threat by the FBI, Giuliani turned to Neocon strategists Darth Cheney and Donald Rumsfield to plan adjustments to his security policy. A preemptive nuclear strike on the Bronx had nearly reached the implementation stage when one of Giuliani's campaign aids noted that the collateral damage might include radioactive fallout in states that Rudy hoped to carry in November. As the neocon strategists returned to the drawing board, a force of 200 camouflage clad Blackwater guards surrounded Rudy as an interim measure. Erring on the side of caution, the guards have been ordered to shoot anyone who looks Italian on sight. Giuliani donned his Red Sox cap to announce that he is prepared to deal with any threat and is looking forward to campaign stops tomorrow in Boston's North End and Providence, Rhode Island.
-Giuliani Questioned on Torture - Presidential Candidate Rudy Giuliani was taken into custody and questioned overnight by police in Laconia, New Hampshire after Giuliani's security staff pulled a Yankee capped listener from the crowd at a campaign event and subjected him to severe interrogation. The victim, Luigi "Lamb Chop" Canoli was being held under the surface of a tank of freezing water by Blackwater security personnel when Laconia police came to his aid. Canoli, who sputtered only "I got nothing to say" when rescued, was held as a material witness after a computer check revealed an extensive record of arrests in New York and New Jersey.