The Headline That Wasn't There

Afghan Insurgents Hang 15 Year-Old Accused As Spy - a sad story on an ugly lynching by Taliban thugs in Afghanistan with that special Time's touch, "Efforts to reach the Taliban's spokesman by telephone were unsuccessful."

Hirsi Ali returns from US - Somalian born citizen of The Netherlands, (a Muslim by birth who has critcized some aspects of Islam) leaves the US because The Netherlands won't pay the cost of body guards she needs as protection from fundamentalist fanatics? All very confusing, As Good As News thought the Weight Watchers thing was going very well, nice comeback from the post-Cheers slump.

In Jews, Indian-Americans See a Role Model in Activism - interesting story on the Indians, Ms Banerjee, but you never got to the point - is it good for the Jews? Or should we now make that, is it good for the Indians?

Spears Loses Sons' Custody To Ex-Spouse - As Good As News is not forgetting it's own strictures about piling on Britney, but K-Fed is fair game. This guy is about to go into shock. His master plan to use his sons as pawns in his PR and malimony war with Britney, a plan that took years of in-breeding and many cases of Budweiser to hatch, just blew up horribly in his face. What happens tomorrow morning when the doorbell disrupts K-Fed's hangover and he finds Preston and Jayden in the hallway. Despite his own childlike mentality, K-Fed is doomed. These kids aren't old enough to drink beer and play video games. Body guard and witness Tony Barretto gets no protection from the Britney Rule either. This guy needed to hire Gloria Allred (a lawyer with a publicity machine at her fingertips) so he could "do the right thing, and deliver just the shock that Britney [his client] needed"? Amazing how the "right thing" seems to be generating so much publicity for Tony Barretto while the kids move from the fourth circle of hell to the fifth. Yes - we know Dante has more - but remember, Brit and K-Fed aren't broke yet and the kids are so young they don't understand what is going on, we need to leave considerable room for downward mobility.

Rockies win 14 of last 15 games, including a stunning comeback victory yesterday over San Diego in the bottom of the thirteenth inning, to capture a play-off berth. The win yesterday came in the ultimate pressure cooker, trailing in extra innings of a one-game, win or go-home playoff. Why no link? Early editions ran no story, despite the fact that they had enough time to include the box score. The Rockies have just pulled off what may be the greatest run in sport's history, 14 out 15 and every single win was needed. They are a team filled with exciting ballplayers and the parochial Times has slept through the entire story.

New Jersey Agrees to Settle Trooper's Harassment Suit - A former NJ state trooper collected $400,000 from the State after claiming he was harassed by the Lords of Discipline, a secret order within the State Troopers, when he wouldn't back a story his fellow troopers concocted to cover a bad arrest. State officials have denied the existence of the Lords of Discipline, despite a best selling novel, a movie and testimony by other troopers. Defense counsel notes, "But for the tragic consequences ...we would have the makings of ...a Saturday Night Live skit." Note to counsel, tragic consequences have never stopped SNL before, all we need is to line up Judge Reinhold and "Wild Bill" Paxton to reprise their Lords of Discipline roles in a police barracks remake.