Friday, July 20, 2007

The Incline is Going Up

After 40 straight days of finding something that passed for humor in the NY Times headlines, As Good As News will change formats for a few weeks, with posting shifting to a more sporadic schedule and features from new contributors, including Chris Reitmeyer and Corey Hassett, originally from Pittsburgh, Pa., pictured above - that is Pittsburgh that is pictured, not Chris and Corey. More humor, fewer headlines, As Good As News is moving on up.

FOR CLINTON, WOOING WOMEN REQUIRES A CAREFUL BALANCE - OK, make it 41 straight days, and this headline stands on its own. Do not even bother to look at the boring story, just appreciate the art of the headline itself, no room for any mention of Hillary or voters, just Clinton Wooing Women. No way this was the result of anything less than a well laid plan. NY Times has at least one Obama supporter composing headlines.

IN A SHIFT, US WILL ALLOW MOST TYPES OF CIGARETTE LIGHTERS ON PLANES - Cigarette lighters allowed on planes where smoking is always banned, thanks for the breakthrough, TSA. Now put on your thinking caps and come up with something really useful, like letting us wear our shoes as we pass through security. Relaxation of lighter ban not totally useless, we can use them while chanting encore if we are ever booked on a flight with a Dylan concert.

A CHAMPION AT CHECKERS THAT CANNOT LOSE TO PEOPLE - Canadian professors announce they have computational proof that Chinook, a checkers playing computer, cannot be defeated. Big deal, I used to go to a restaurant in Chinatown with a chicken that was undefeated in tic-tac-toe. You drew a grid in the dirt at the bottom of the cage and scratched in your X's and O's. The chicken never lost fair and square, but became very confused if you went out of turn. What does Chinook do when you say, "Quick, look over there" and take a checker off the board? It always works on nephews. What about the basic Star Trek (original TV series, not sequels or movies) question - if Chinook plays itself will the two computers compute to their deaths or settle for a dignified draw? The only real proof in this story is that Canadian professors have too much spare time.

CHENEY WINS DISMISSAL OF SUIT BROUGHT BY VALERIE WILSON - First, kudos to As Good As News, we did not use this story to drag in a picture of Valerie (Plame) Wilson. Pittsburgh looked too good. Second, no real news here. Darth and his codefendants, Scooter, Karl and Richard Armitage (nice guy weight lifter who looks like WWE refugee, Armitage was the real Val outer, albeit inadvertently) were heavy favorites to win. Much precedent for immunity from suit when officials are acting within the broad scope of their duties, to rule otherwise would open Pandora's box. W might even be civilly liable for injuries and deaths in Iraq. Wait - let's think about this.

No comments: