Friday, December 7, 2007

Dear Ilvis

A New Bush Tack on North Korea - W writes directly to North Korea's supreme leader Kim Jong-Il, urging him to disclose all nuclear work in North Korea.

Dear Mr. Chairman,

Sorry I didn't write sooner, Mr. C, hope you won't mind if I call you Kim Jong-Ilvis, or maybe even just Ilvis. That's a little nickname we use for you around the White House. Don't be insulted, it's what I do with all my pards, like Dick Cheney is Darth. Karl Rove started calling me the Decider when were alone together and I tagged him back with the Divider. I even call Vlad Putin the Impaler, he pretends to be mad but I know he really likes it. Anyway, I love Elvis too, and I really like what you've done with your hair, so please don't take offense, Ilvis.

How goes it in the Axis of Evil - Eastern outpost? It's beginning to seem a lot like Christmas here in Washington, D.C. I guess things are a little different in those steamy jungles in Korea (or is that Viet Nam, I could never visit because of my important duties in the Air National Guard and now I'm always getting them confused?)? Now that I think about it, Christmas may not mean much since you've got that whole godless Communist thing going on so you're probably not really into the whole Christian thing. Well Merry Hanukkah and a happy Tet. By the way, I'm enclosing a pair of cowboy boots as a little holiday gift. These are Justins, customized with rhinestones just like the one's Elvis wore - and Ilvis, I had-em made up special with extra high heels and lifts, I'm really, really, really sorry I called you a pygmy.

One thing I have to say for you, Ilvis, you really know how to handle the media. Even the Impaler can't hold a candle to you. Hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I could send some snot nosed reporter to a Stalinist labor camp. By the way, that whole "spoiled child at a dinner table thing", ---totally out of context. Ilvis, you just would not believe what I'm up against with the media here.

Anyway, hope to hear from you soon.

George W. Bush

ps - Ilvis, I almost forgot, now that we're pards and all, it would be really nice if you could tell us a little more about your nucular program. Thanks, W.

Havens: Galena, Ill. - A River Town That Grant Once Called Home - Major up arrow for this Mississippi river town between Chicago and St. Louis. Now Harrison Ford's vacation escape, it's only previous fame came as part of U.S. Grant's nickname, the Butcher of Galena.

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