Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Decider Picks None of the Above

Bush Is Nearing A Choice To Lead The Justice Dept. - Let's not blow it again, W. Here are a few simple rules to follow, some of which you may actually like.

- Under no circumstances discuss this choice with Karl Rove, he's earned his retirement and he will only get you into trouble. What do you mean you already talked to Karl. No, you cannot name someone AG just because they want to prosecute Obama for loitering and remind Karl that there's no need for dirty tricks this year, you're not running for reelection. What? No, W, I know about FDR but it's in the Constitution now, didn't Alberto tell you that there are amendments too. I'm sorry W, you just can't run again.

-If anyone from Darth Cheney's office makes a suggestion listen carefully, then make sure that person does not become AG. I hear you W, and I know you really like Scooter Libby, but you just can't nominate the guy while he's serving time.

-When you finally have your short list, ask each candidate the same question. "What does the Constitution mean to you?" Now W, this is important, if anyone responds "What do you want it to mean" you have to send them home immediately. That's what got you into trouble with Mr. Yoo and Mr. Gonzales.

- Pick someone you trust. It's OK to pick a conservative Republican. Be careful though, a real conservative might actually care about Constitutional limits on executive power.

- Get a good manager. The AG has a big department to run, and it's already full of smart guys like John Yoo, smart guys with their own agenda, people that bear watching. The job demands people skills, the new AG will inherit a department that's been battered by Rove's political tampering and Darth's anything goes view of the Constitution. The gang that's left polishes their resumes from 9-5 then goes out for a beer after work every night to polish the lyrics to the new Justice Department theme song - Why We Hate W!

- Credentials are essential, especially with the mess you already made. Senate confirmation and respect from within the Justice Department will depend on these, but hey, you hired guys from Harvard (Gonzales) and Yale (Yoo) for jobs at Justice and they were disasters- Oh that's right - you went to Yale and Harvard, didn't you W - well, case closed. Why not try a Princeton undergrad, University of Texas Law grad with big-time government experience, someone who knows how to get along with a legislature - James A. Baker. Sure he's old and you blew off his Iraq report, but he cares about the country and he'll only be working for a year. With a little arm-twisting you can get him as AG and tell him to forget about that Azerbaijan-US Chamber of Commerce gig and make friends with Turkmenistan (As Good As News always stretching for an opportunity to plug Doc Gurby -it's not easy being the official blog of reclusive Turkmenistan.)

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