It Only Looks Like a Toy

An Icy Rescue As Seas Claim A Cruise Ship - As Good As News has almost nothing funny to say about this, but the photo is too good to pass up. If people want to pay $16,000 each to dodge ice bergs as they cruise to Antarctica in the hope of spotting one of those penguins that sounds oddly like Morgan Freeman - well, there's no accounting for taste. They sought adventure and got their money's worth. Kudos to officers, crew and passengers for staying calm, launching and boarding the life boats smoothly. As compensation for the shortened voyage, all passengers will receive a free, two week cruise on the Notsojolly Roger - a schooner plying the West Indies that looks like a chartered party boat, complete with sunbathing beauties, but conceals an array of detection gear and sophisticated armaments, in other words - a pirate trap. Hardy survivors of The Explorer should enjoy decoy duty, will probably squabble over who gets to fire the missiles if they do engage any pirates.

W's Kiss of Death Claims Another Victim - John Howard of Australia follows Jose Mari Aznar of Spain and Britain's Tony Blair to the political graveyard, all victims of voter dissatisfaction with their support for George W. Bush and the war in Iraq. W, there's not much time left, but maybe this thing can still work for you - if you become a steadfast ally, personal friend and unswerving supporter of Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the entire ruling junta in Burma, and, of course, Vlad Putin (W, you're already bffs with Vlad - this one should be a no brainer, your specialty) maybe you can take them down before your term ends. It's not too late to build an historical legacy of accomplishment that will make lame ducks like Mallard Fillmore green with envy.