Saturday, June 16, 2007

I'm not an Exterminator - I'm a Trapper

Today's NY Times runs page 1 feature on snake charmers for the new millenium, experts who will remove unwanted reptiles from suburbia and release them safely in the wild. This reminds me of an experience with squirrels trapped inside a wall of my suburban home. We could smell them, we could hear them - these party animals were always active from 2AM to 4AM - but we could not find them. Two exterminators failed with peanut butter laced traps in our attic, and then we found Marty. Marty did not hesitate to correct me in an exploratory phone call, "I'm a trapper, not an exterminator" and I knew we had our man. In one day Marty found the nest in an isolated section of wall that had no attic access, cut through the wallboard and removed a nest of squirrels to a park a few miles away.

Duke lacrosse prosecutor Michael Nifong, testifying before a disciplinary panel wearing a gag hat with the ever popular arrow through skull effect, announced, "Well excuuuuuse me, I resign." Sometimes you need an exterminator, not a trapper.

Banks are victimized by borrowers using web sites with fake pay stubs, credit lines and "rented" bank balances. OK, so this is criminal fraud if you take out a loan, but suppose a geek just wants to meet a nice girl? And banks, second graders know not to believe everything they read in Wikipedia - maybe if you actually met the customer?

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