Thursday, June 28, 2007

To Do List? This was supposed to be political humor - see special close

Nothing funny in today's headlines so - with unshakeable certainty that the world will be fascinated with the minutia of my monotonous retiree existence, I join the universe of diary blogging and publish my to do list.

1. Check toothpaste for "made in china" label. Chinese officials defend use of antifreeze as low cost ingredient, probably tasty as well as cheap and teeth will look exceptionally white if you elect open casket. Any chance the Chinese officials defending this practice own the toothpaste factory? Just yesterday Chinese President Hu Jintao was quoted as saying:
“Insist on the party’s leadership...and ruling the nation by laws” . Can an authoritarian one party state ever be a government of laws? Chinese antifreeze producers now looking to shift excess capacity resulting from toothpaste fiasco into toy train market, for an extra $2.95 Thomas the Tank will come with lead paint and a freight car of slick, green goop.

2. Write congratulatory note to Pope Benedict XVI. Sure he got off to a rocky start - PR gaffes followed by apologies to Islam and Latin America - but now the man is on a roll. Revival of Latin Mass sure to be a hit with the all important ancient Roman demographic, run-off election system insures health of future popes (see yesterday's post here at As Good As News) and premier of pope's new network prime time TV show, National Bingo Night, a summer ratings smash. PR blitz to continue next week with roll-out of Strudel and Becks alternative to bread and wine for communion.

3. Sign renewal contract for next summer's lawn service ......before immigration bill passes.

4. Finish plea to Lorne Michaels - never be another Gilda but we can still bring Emily Litella back. Just too many opportunites to pass up. Tuesday we had the virtual/invisible fence, today it's "desertification" -
"I just don't see the problem here Chevy, I mean I may be a little chunky but if I want a hot fudge sundae as an appetizer, cheesecake for my entree and chocolate oblivion for my after dinner drink I think it's horrible that the NY Times would write a story complaining about desertification."
No Emily, desertification, not dessertification, were talking about fields and forrests turning into sand dunes.

5. Think of something that is actually funny for tomorrow's post.

As Good As News -Special Item
Follow- Up Report:

The photo that inspired my Top Ten Reasons to Visit Iran was too good to be true. The NY Times pulled the picture and the caption from the Times on-line with an announcement that the "victim" may have been a real criminal, not just a teen wearing the wrong T shirt. Even a thug should probably not have to eat an implement used to wipe the policeman's derriere, at least not before a trial. Times can back off, but my Top Ten stays.

Post on Taxes are Death to Comics etc. was sent to NY Times as a serious letter to the editor, the reporting in the original NY Times story on "hedge fund" tax was genuinely abysmal. Although there were no new developments on the tax story, the Times ran a follow-up piece the next day which did a better job - if only they had included my example featuring Benny at the Jersey shore.


mhass30 said...

1. With the added benefit of a no brain-freeze guarantee.

2.In other Pope news, The Pope was against Bob Dylan playing for John Paul in '97 because he was, "The wrong kind of prophet", an obvious cover up that he's still upset Bob went electric.

Rx Specs said...

#3 in dad's list was my favorite

#2 in matt's list was genius

good work to both mjh's